Ep115: Andrea’s Update — Letting Go, Falling In Love, and Realizing the Answer Is Not in Your Phone

What if everything you thought defined you… dissolved? Your marriage. Your business. Your income. Your identity. And instead of panicking — you felt more alive? In this raw, funny, deeply human episode, Andrea talks about what happens after you burn the old blueprint to the ground--at age 50! This is less about “how to glow up” and more about how to let go without losing your soul. You’ll hear:

-How her new partnership makes no time for TV or phones

-Why she wants to go sell books or bake bread now

-How she feels less anxious and more ALIVE….with LESS money

-How your flaws might be mismatches instead of defects

-Why being busy is not the same as being alive

-Her confront mass consumption head on

-Hidden writer-grief about the reality of AI

Learn more about Andrea at thebootfactor

TRANSCRIPT:

Janelle Orion 0:00

Janelle, struggling to discuss sex and intimacy with your partner, not feeling met, seen or heard in your relationships. I'm Janelle And I'm Andrea. We're two midlife Mavericks sharing our own experiences, messy, AF and no regrets with marriage, divorce, polyamory and pleasure. We've learned that when you're brave enough to figure out what you want and ask for it, with partners, friends, family and most importantly, yourself, you'll feel more alive and free question everything, especially your mother's advice. There's no rom com formula for this. But don't panic. Being alone matters, honey, I can't miss you if you don't leave, what if your breakup could be your breakthrough? Our podcast is for brave hearts. Anyone who seeks or has found the courage to confront their fears and limiting beliefs about breaking societal norms in the spirit of finding their truth. If you're seeking permission to be brave in your relationships and want to feel less alone along the way we got you. Hi, brave hearts. Welcome to permission to be human. I'm Janelle, and I'm Andrea, and here we are again, and this is one of our in between episodes of from the liminal we've just completed our season, how to build a relationship with God, and we are our next season that's coming up starting next week is how to design a relationship that works. And the in between is last week, I gave my update of what's been going on since we last, since prior to the previous season, and now this is Andrea's turn. Yeah, yep. Things keep changing. Things keep changing. And so to mark these episodes as special and different, we like to wear our spirit crowns from Sophie Howell and to Yeah, just stay connected to our brave hearts to let you know what's going on in our lives.

Andrea Enright 2:03

Yeah, yeah. And if you know, you know that if you want a spirit crown, you can always go to spirit crowns.com and get one from Sophie. They look all in all different colors. And this little throwback to the beginning of our podcast, which was, yeah, long time ago now, three years ago. Okay, in between and Season Six is next.

Janelle Orion 2:24

So Andrea, what has last time I interviewed you? Yeah, it is right now, January of 2026, last time I interviewed you was September of 2025, that was quite a while ago. And I'm curious how that last quarter of 2025, and did for you?

Andrea Enright 2:44

I think it's interesting how we're measuring time and talking about time, thinking, Oh, that was quite a while ago. It's like three or four months, maybe three months ago, which actually doesn't seem like a big amount of time. And yet, the more I grow, the faster things change, or maybe that I'm more aware of them changing, and I'm more attuned to the shift. I guess, in the last year, I had a big practice of letting go. I let go of my marriage, I let go of my business that I had had for 16 years. And then prior to that, I'd had it for, you know, five to 10 years. And so the culmination of this business was It was big. I started in 2002 I let go of my romantic relationship, outside of my marriage. I let go of my virtual assistant. And I also, in a sense, let go of my daughter in two ways. She got her license, and she now splits time between my house and my ex husband's house. Wow, yeah. And then the final thing is that I feel like I also let go of some metaphorical ties to my family, to my immediate my family of Orion So, and those are, those are all. It's a lot. There's all big anchors,

Janelle Orion 4:15

yes, and I've witnessed you through all of that. And it wasn't like some of it was obviously conscious, and some of it was very intentional, but it it was a recognition, yeah, last year was the year of the snake, that there was this letting go was okay, what was the old form of you? And these were all very, very tightly wound parts of you that you let go of.

Andrea Enright 4:39

Yeah, I think just it takes, for me, it takes a lot of build up and anxious preparation to let those things go, even if I know, yeah, a lot of courage, right? A lot of courage, even if I know, I need to let them go in one month. I need to go through a process of acknowledging. That, noticing it, acknowledging it again, noticing it again, being anxious about it, preparing for it, getting the courage up to do it. And that process can take anywhere from three months to several years, and I'm getting faster at doing that, but I think that is one of the big changes I'm feeling now. It's a new feeling. The feeling is being excited for change instead of afraid of it. And is that that's,

Janelle Orion 5:31

is that a result of, like, having let it go, all of this, that the feeling you have now is like, Okay, that was worth it.

Andrea Enright 5:38

I don't know. I'm not even sure what caused it. I just, I know at this moment that I'm excited for something different. There's some cleanliness, blank canvas, feeling about starting fresh. And the last time I remember feeling that was when I went to Costa Rica and thought, you know, we really wanted that change. And I remember at some point in the, you know, the four to six month lead up to leaving considering in some way, because of something someone said, or my daughter's concern, not going right, and there was this moment of like, oh, oh no, you know we have to fucking go like we're definitely going We're not staying here. Because in my mind, I already knew I wanted that change. Really was excited for something different. So I am excited now for this change, and I have part of that is because I have more trust in something new happening, right, and making space for new delights to

Janelle Orion 6:45

come through, right? Because you've done it before. Costa Rica showed you that that that feeling of change, as hard as it was like, yes, you definitely came back a different person, have felt more aligned and true to your to

Andrea Enright 6:57

who you are, yes, and I've already seen it this year by letting go of one relationship, I allowed another to emerge by letting go of my marriage, I allowed a deeper relationship with myself to emerge by letting go of my VA I realized a behavior of avoidance that I had been practicing in not learning how to do things myself and just putting it off right. Just be like, Oh, I'm not doing that, which, as we know originally, was the reason to get a view. Yes, this can be thought of, as Chuck Blakeman says, like, can I make sure this is the last time I do this, which can be a beautiful thing, and it also prevented me from learning the new tools of society that I desperately need to know now that I am now learning.

Janelle Orion 7:49

It also feels like letting go of your VA also helped you, like, cut away in a way, part of, like, some of your business, but like, what is essential and what is not essential, and what did you feel like, what did you feel like? What did you think was essential? Because your VA was doing it, and then suddenly, when it was you doing it, you're like, oh, maybe

Andrea Enright 8:09

not, yeah, not so much, though, because, because my business is changing at the same time that my I've let my VA go, I don't really know if that's true. There's, there's probably a few things that I thought, Oh, I don't need to do those as quickly as I thought I needed to. And I don't need to use this tool for them that she was using, because I was just in the habit of using that tool. I'm like, Oh, do we need that tool? Do I need to pay for that tool? Can we do it manually? Do we need a new iteration of that tool? Those were things that that have come up. But since I I am shifting my business as I'm letting go of my VA, it's hard to

Janelle Orion 8:48

say so for all these things that you've let go of, how do you feel today?

Andrea Enright 8:55

I feel sometimes really scared, really scared of of what's going to happen next, that I won't be able to do it. But as I just contemplated, oh, would I? Would I rather have kept the things that I had before? And the answer is no, like just very clear, while I would love to still be living full time with my daughter, certainly the other people in my life, and the business and the VA were definitely things I would not change. And so that feels great, like having had the courage to let go and then be like, Oh, I feel more free. Oh, something else came through. So that's beautiful.

Janelle Orion 9:36

What else has shifted in all the letting go? I think there's

Andrea Enright 9:41

various levels of this. In a small way, we're always searching for the next dopamine hit. We're like, oh, when do I get to have the yummy food? And when do I get to have the treat? And for me, that has been the various, you know, little addictions we've talked about in the past, which for me, have been shopping and talking. Chocolate and food at the most basic level, because it's the most accessible. And it could also be pleasure, it could also be an ego boost, could also be television. But all those things are outside of myself. And one of the biggest lessons across the last five years and especially now is that those pleasures are temporary, and the real pleasure is inside me, and so knowing that, like going inward to find the peace, presence, happiness, contentment, a word, a word that Kevin uses, has a much more sustainable effect than those other short term grasps for pleasure. I would say, along with that is that I really so focused on, as we all are, like, under the attachment to the outcome, right? The outcome of like, okay, I'm going to do all this stuff, and then this is going to happen. Is going to happen. Okay, I'm gonna do all this stuff, and this is gonna happen. And as I teach my clients, the difference between the ego and the calling is that the ego relies on anxiety to survive, and the calling relies on space, and the ego is focused on outcome, and the calling is focused on the process. This just showed up in a couple different ways. One in that I'm actively involved in the process of some of my coaching business now more because my VA used to be doing it, and now I'm doing more of it. Do I love that yet? I don't know. But, you know, I, I can see the potential for flow there. I started writing again with no real goal or outcome, and I'm enjoying just writing every morning, even though there's nothing specific I'm creating at the moment. And then I've realized it in my new relationship with my boyfriend in that because I am not attached to outcome, and I don't have a preference for what's going to happen, where we're going to go, what seat we're going to get at the restaurant, how the night's going to unfold if we brought the right clothing, if we forgot the wine, this Happiness and attachment to the outcome was very conditional, and it hasn't always been that way. It's something I've been working on for a long time to let go of that, but it was, in fact, important. It mattered to me in these different situations, and I've made huge strides in that in the last, I'd say, last five years, but most recently, because my boyfriend, Kevin, and I are so happy being together, and it doesn't matter what we do. And I felt this before, certainly with my past relationships, but it's so ever present now. I keep thinking it's gonna, you know, it's gonna end right,

Janelle Orion 12:59

like this. Can't really keep going, right? You can be there for nine months,

Andrea Enright 13:02

yes, nine months, and we can just drive around in the truck, or we can go grocery shopping, or we can cook, or we can eye gaze, or we can take a walk, or we can take a trail run, or we can go to an art museum, or we can go run errands, and all of it is so much fun. And so I don't need an outcome. I don't need a destination.

Janelle Orion 13:28

Okay, so what I'm hearing with that is that, like, yeah, there's a feeling that's inside of you being shared with him, and it's really tied to the present moment and to, like, the connection that you guys have, and it doesn't matter what you're doing, yeah, we're really both able to tap into the now. Not futurizing is something that you worked on for a long time, right? Because that used to be something outcome related, or just future related,

Andrea Enright 13:59

yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

Janelle Orion 14:02

So what's another lesson you've learned? Well,

Andrea Enright 14:05

we've been talking about letting go of form for a long time, and I find myself saying it to my clients. I find myself saying it to friends. It's really one of my top 10 mantras now, and right now I am letting go form about my life in general, my very basic meta life, my life, at least in this temporary everything's temporary. Everything is temporary because of impermanence, but my life in the next phase is going to look different than I thought it would, and that means I'm making less money. I'm less in control of my schedule. I am trying to go out into the world at least for some portion of my week and not be on my screen. Getting a job in the world is. Something I have not done in 25 years.

Janelle Orion 15:02

You've been an entrepreneur that whole time, correct?

Andrea Enright 15:08

And during that time, there was no reason for me to go out into the world and get a job, not at an office, not at a restaurant, not a store. And now I this started maybe about a year ago, and I thought, oh, it'd be good to do something different, right? Just like, get away from my screen, get away from the email nurture sequences and the security codes and the LinkedIn posts and just and I'm also very extroverted, right? I like being around people, and at the same time, I have the schedule of a 50 year old, so I don't like to go out at night, and I don't like to do more than, like two, than one to two activities per weekend, and so that presents a bit of a conflict. And so I am excited actually, and like, disoriented by the idea of going out and getting a job at a bookstore or a bakery or a restaurant. I want to go out and interact with people and use my hands and be tired like be be a little physically tired instead of mentally tired. Maybe both. This is something I don't do on a regular basis, but I know how good it feels when I do it, and it's something I learned early on, and still continue to learn from my parents, because they are just such hard workers in the mental and the physical sense. They've never been people who sit at a screen all day. They've owned many different kinds of businesses, and in each one of those, they are interacting with the public. They are outside. They're doing things with their hands. They're fixing things, they're covering things. They're stooping, they're leaning, they're reaching. You know, it's all this multiple facets of the physical body. And then, in addition, when they're not working, they are painting or grouting or burning or gathering brush or building a rock wall in front of the river, or mowing or planting flowers. I mean, it's endless, but that's how they feel alive. And I very much respect that, and I it's something that is missing, I think, from my life. I'm willing to bet it's missing from lots of people's lives. Yes, I mean, like listening to you describe that, I'm like, Oh, wow. Like that. I can deeply relate to what you're saying of not using my body unless I'm, quote, unquote going to work out. Yes, exactly. I mean, that's, that's it. I remember my friend Carla, who thinks she grew up on a farm, and she's a nutritionist who lives in Denver, but she's very devout to the physicality of her body. She climbs, she lifts, she runs, she works it really hard, and she says there's at some point, she said there's very little more satisfying than baling hay for two hours. I've never bailed hay, but I've thrown it once. But, yeah, okay, I think I know. I think I know what she means. One of the books I'm reading is called the Book of Alchemy by suleika juad. And I got the book for Christmas from Scarlet and Boudreaux. Not reading much lately, but I am writing every morning by reading an excerpt from some other author, and then a journal prompt. And one of the journal prompts this morning was talking about a teacher that you'd had a long time ago, and all the basic things you knew about that teacher from having been taught by them, and then writing in a different segment on what you know about them now, and what you think about them now, and how different that is and how interesting is. So I looked up one of my old teachers and favorite teacher, Mr. Martin goldby, was my English teacher in high school, really changed my life forever. So grateful to him. And something that he gave us when I was inducted into the National Honor Society in high school was a paint brush. He gave each of us a paintbrush, and he said, spruce up. Clean up. Like, use this physically, or use this as a symbol for you to do something in this town. Make it different. Make it better, you know. And it was something physical, even though he was a writer, very devoted to the written word and to books. And I learned a lot about writing and reading from him, but here he was telling me to, like, go out and use my hands. And I love this. So, yeah, so now I'm like, Okay, what if I went out and, you know, waited tables or talked to the public or made bread, you know? How would that feel? Stacked books, right?

Janelle Orion 19:42

And so, and what is prompting like, is it just like this urge to use your body, and that's what's having you go, like, look for a job. Like, what's the impetus? The first one is

Andrea Enright 19:53

just to get away from my screen. It's really to get away, as I mentioned, like, I want to get away from email sequences and LinkedIn. And sitting behind my Zoom every day of my life, because I work from home, and even if I go to a coffee shop, I'm still looking at my computer all day. Yeah, and I want to interact with people more like I that really lights me up. It's energizing for me. And I think, okay, so make some extra money doing that, and I'll continue my coaching business. And see what that's like. See what happens. I also think I'm responding to a societal change. I've worked my whole life, since I graduated from college in 1998 when I first worked@a.com as a copywriter on the craft of writing, the written word, content, editing, editorial management, teaching people to write, helping people write their story, writing poetry. It's all about the written word, and so many things I have done and has always gotten me jobs. It's something I can rely on. It's part of my identity. It's something I bring up to at any moment, to friends, to strangers, to colleagues, to clients that like, oh, I can help you with that. Oh, I can do that for you. Because it is definitely one of my superpowers, and I've gotten better and better and better at it, and I'm constantly honing that craft, especially because even when I'm not working, you know, I'm writing a thank you note, or, you know, I'm writing a letter to someone, or I'm, you know, writing comes up all the time, and I've always felt good that I could do that. And now I'm in a society where writing has been outsourced to AI, not entirely, but in a big way. And this is scary. I mean, this is incredibly I even call it can even call it devastating, in a way, because I thought, Oh my gosh. Like, what happened, right? Like, I worked my whole life on this, and I always thought that I would be able to at least teach writing, right? I could always go to, like, a community college, right? And be an adjunct, adjunct teacher, and make almost nothing, but still, I could teach writing, and now I don't know if I can do that, and so this has been just like a huge blow to my livelihood, to my identity, to my ego, and I'm having to think more creatively about what it is I do next and how I'm going to make that money, and if I'm going to launch something new or learn something new, or what's that's going to look like?

Janelle Orion 22:30

I feel like you're speaking so pointedly to the crux that so many of us are in, right? We're in a changing world, a changing civilization, like what we thought we knew, we no longer know the rules that we thought we all live by. Turns out we don't live by anymore, yeah, especially when it comes to AI. We know we hear all the time that there are professions that are going to go away as a result of AI, and you're saying that your profession is one of them, in to a large degree. And yet, as you described, one of the reasons to go out from to look for a job in the world actually felt so hopeful to me in terms of, oh, you're using your body like you're going to be doing things differently that had you just been continued writing, right? Yeah, maybe you would never have decided to go do this path, right? So it, I know you haven't gotten the job yet, but what I'm hearing is it's like an emotional navigation, not only, of like a job search, which is so challenging in and of itself, but then also, of like, like an identity of what is my life supposed to look like? What is, what do I value in myself and in terms of what I'm contributing

Andrea Enright 23:52

to the world? Yes, it's just a huge shift on my whole identity. I feel like I'm fortunate that I had already started shifting away from writing, in a sense, because I started coaching a few years ago, and really enjoyed that, and had done so much personal growth that I thought I had, I think I have a lot to teach other people. And so that had been a conscious shift away from writing. And the entire time I was writing, I was always interacting with people, collaborating with teams, interviewing clients. And so I had constantly been honing that social skill as well. But to go out into the world and not be on a computer for four to five hours seems like such an there's just a beautiful way to break up my day now, and even being off my phone, right? I mean, when I'm at work, if I'm, if I'm, let's say, working in some kind of a certain service industry, I can't, I can't be looking at my phone all the time, like, I'll need to be focusing differently.

Janelle Orion 24:49

Another very big reality is, right? Is that you said, like, you're not gonna be making as much money, right? Like using your hands and going out into, you know, into a restaurant or bakery, right? Is gonna give some. Other benefits, but you're also having just to acknowledge that you're going to live on less.

Andrea Enright 25:06

Yes, and I've been practicing living on less, more and more for a long time, right since my husband moved out, since the economy changed a few years ago, it's been a slow decline of how far my money will go. And so now I'm actively I have been for a while, but each time I do it, I think, Oh, well, now I really don't have as much money. And then the next time, like, Oh no, I thought, I thought I was poor. Then No, I'm actually poorer now, and let's not call me poor, but I don't have as much money on a regular basis as I did, not even close to it as I did five years ago. And so I am looking for ways to simplify my life, and I feel fortunate, though, that in a sense, I don't live extravagantly. I can cut things out. There are things I don't need, and I've actually got some of this from my mom as well. I remember growing up, we had plenty of money and were financially stable. And at the same time, my mom was very frugal and very good about, like, saving money and, you know, finding the thing that was cheapest. And sometimes we would go on a spending freeze, she would put spending freeze and big block letters on the refrigerator. And, you know, we weren't spending the money she was. So it was really her making the decision or not, or saying yes or no to us. But she was so good at it, because she was such a, like, natural sales person that, like, even if she had to say no about something, she would just point out the benefit of not getting it. Or, you know, she like, spun it very well, right? So very rarely were we disappointed about anything. And yes, this is, this is different, and that the, I think one of the biggest lessons about money that I've probably learned in the last five years is that at first, when I we started saving more money, I thought, Okay, well, we'll just go through our credit card and see, well, where are we overspending, right? I just thought, oh, it's going to be, like, actually fun to, like, go through and be like, Nope, we just can't do that anymore. Nope, we can't do that anymore. But this was exceedingly difficult, because nothing we were doing seemed extravagant at all. In each instance, we needed to be spending less, right? So when you go out to eat, you go to a different restaurant. When you order you order less. When you have a drink, you have one instead of three. It's in every little bit of how you go through life that needs to be scaled back. And it's, and it's not that I've I've never done this before. I've definitely had phases where like, Oh, we're not making as much money, oh, we're making more money. And there's been an ebb and flow, but this is very humbling to think, Okay, what's the least amount of money I need a month to remain healthy and be a good mom and feel nourished, you know, and and feel comfortable? And, yeah, so I'm trying to figure that out.

Janelle Orion 28:02

Now, do you feel happier with less money than you did with more money?

Andrea Enright 28:11

Because I'm anxious in general, and tend to think ahead and think, Oh, how am I going to do that? Oh, how am I going to pay for that? Oh, how much is that going to cost? Because I have a better handle on my anxiety. Now I am a little bit less anxious about money because I am more focused on the now I'm a little bit less anxious about money because I'm not wondering if I can do this thing in six months. I know that I can't. I'm less anxious about money. My expectations have changed. And so in that, there is more ease, in a sense, because I don't my expectations are lower about what I can do, what I can buy. And I also, to the point I made about having fun with Kevin is that I know that we like we don't need to go spend a lot of money to have fun.

Janelle Orion 29:06

I definitely witnessed your anxiety about money go down, even though you're the amount of money that you have has also gone down. And I've also seen your like joy in life, for your joy for life have gone way up, even as your money's gone down, but it's also because your anxiety has gone down. What it feels like is you're now focusing really like You're like you're going more and more inward, and the money is part of this journey of going more and more inward is to what is the things that really matter to you, that really bring you joy? Because if you, my guess is, is if you didn't have to, if you weren't evaluating the money piece right, you wouldn't be distilling down to the purest essence of what makes you like. What brings you happiness and joy?

Andrea Enright 30:02

Yes. And I think what rises in me when you're saying that is that,

Andrea Enright 30:12

is that idea of the mass consumption, right that all of us do on a regular basis? Yeah. It's funny. What always comes up with me as we record these these episodes, is that I talk about a lesson, and I'm just like, this is nothing new. I've been working on this for 20 years, like it's almost like a defense. I'm just like, No, no, this isn't the first time I'm doing this. I've actually been I actually started way up here, and then I got here, and now I'm like, I'm still doing it right. And I can think of, gosh, when was it I want to figure this out, actually. I wonder when was it that I stopped going to TJ Maxx and Marshalls in the mall every weekend and doing something different because there was that shift, like, maybe it was like 10 years ago, where I used to just sort of be a continuous shopper, not an extravagant shopper, but a continuous shopper. I would just go and get stuff, and then the next weekend, would take some of that stuff back, and I get more stuff and like, that was just kind of a regular thing. I got a lot of pleasure out of the shopping process and out of acquiring new things, and that has gone down dramatically. And I'm love minimizing. I'm also a really good purger. So like, I love getting rid of shit and, like, just continuing to flow out of the house makes me, like, so happy to even think about, like, going through a big bin and just like organizing it and tossing half of it, yeah. And so as Christmas comes around, right every year, and I think about how my mom spoiled me and got me so many things for Christmas, and I want to get Scarlet so many things for Christmas, and I it's so exciting to me, like the buying process and the thoughtfulness and like how I choose the gifts that I can really get caught up in that. And I noticed this year that I was at the mall. I was at the mall the day after Christmas because my daughter and I had some things to return, and it was so busy at the fucking ball. You would think it would have was the day before Christmas, like, I was like, oh my god, everyone just, you just opened all of these gifts, like, but of course, I was there. Like, I How could I judge them? Like it was just so out of control. I mean, the ramp to exit the parking garage was interfering with the traffic inside the parking garage, like it took us at least 25 minutes to to leave the parking garage. And the amount of Christmas stuff donations at Goodwill, like three weeks before Christmas and three weeks after Christmas is insane. I mean, it's just like there is so many things in there that have never been opened. And I just thought, wow, this is so crazy. And I'm even a thrift shopper already, like, I'm already doing it the right way, and still, still, I'm buying too much. And this is something my meditation teacher said recently where, you know, we just, we get very obsessed with the desire, right? And so we're not looking at this thing over here. We're like, oh yes, death is awful. And like, the suffering and like, I know I have to deal with this problem with my husband and like, but I'm just, if I could just find the right soap dispenser that I'm sure everything else would be great, right? And there is some, yeah, there is some obsession I can get, you know? I can get caught up in with that.

Janelle Orion 33:38

The one thing that comes up for me, right? When you're sharing that story about the mall is, although I'm not a mall shopper, I can understand that people, and lots of people, are on a lower budget now, right? That what makes a lot of sense is go to the mall the day after Christmas, because that's where all the sales are. So then you're actually getting to buy the objects for less. So it's also like a strategy of how to make money further.

Andrea Enright 33:58

That's true. Yeah, I just stopped myself from going to Ark after Christmas because I knew everything was going everything was going to be on sale well. And this is the other thing, is that there is this strange comfort, right, in having a lot of things, right? You have, oh, I have a lot of sweats, I have a lot of sweatshirts, I have a lot of journals, I have a lot of yoga pants. I don't have two. I have five pair, right? Do I need five pair? No, I really don't. Two would be fine. I do it once a week, like, that's it. And yet, there's this comfort in having the mass because then I think, honestly, I like to look at it, and then I like the idea that if I lose one of them, or if one of them gets a stain, I have plenty more right. And what this ultimately translates to is not caring well for the ones that you have. Really culmination of this story that I probably told on like the third or fourth podcast about being in Bulgaria when I was in the Peace Corps, being this tiny, tiny town of 400 people, I. Desperately needing some mechanical pencils. Such a first world problem, going to find the like this general store, which wasn't even a store, you know, it was like a room like and and describing this mechanical pencil in my broken Bulgarian and then being like, Oh, I know what you mean. And then going to retrieve a mechanical pencil and handing it to me. And I said, Okay, great, I'll take 10, you know. And she's like, No, we just, we just have one. Like, are you fucking kidding me? I have to keep track of this one pencil. Like, I've never, how's that gonna happen, right? And I'm guessing, I'm guessing you did, right? Had to, until I could, you know, go to the Capitol in three weeks, I want to talk a little bit about my boyfriend and what I'm learning not only from him, and about how much love is possible and how much fun we're having and how much ease and flow there is, but About how much a relationship teaches you about yourself. Because I know we've talked, we touched on this so many times that while you don't need someone else to be complete, being with another, even whether it's a friend or romantic relationship, is the best way to learn about yourself, I believe there's something that I didn't realize was going on with me prior to meeting Kevin, that I thought, Oh, I have these flaws, and I need to fix them, just true of everyone and true of me too. And I have been working on my flaws, but I think I more inherently began believing that I had some character flaws based on my last relationships that were irreversible and that were a problem. And just, you know, part of my issues, and I think in being with Kevin, I've realized I'm like, Oh, this A, those things aren't coming out now. They're just not surfacing. And B, some of the same things that I thought were character flaws because my other partners didn't like them. Are things that Kevin likes about me, Janelle, even you would just be so thrilled. Like, I'm really just not complaining. Like, I just don't think I complain very much, and I'm like, constantly, like, so you know, you can always tell me to just, like, stop complaining. Or like, I'm saying that to Kevin, and he's like, I don't really hear you complaining, like, I don't really hear you nagging. I don't hear you getting upset. I don't hear you being high maintenance all these things that, like I think I was doing. He's like, I don't really even hear your anxiety coming up, you know, more than a reasonable amount. I don't hear you being unreasonable.

Janelle Orion 37:44

Got it, and it feels like you have done, yes, the work on yourself to like, also find your grounding. Yes, I have centering within yourself that some of those things obviously are not coming up partly because of him, but partly because of you, you're like, Oh, I just know myself better now, correct?

Andrea Enright 38:05

And I think also there are some things you get from a particular partner. I'm just like, because my nervous system feels settled and grounded in his presence, naturally, I have less anxiety complaining and worry coming up, which then makes life pleasant, more pleasant for everybody. So, yeah, yeah. Just amazing, amazing learning and amazing intention in this relationship. It is something I've never experienced before, not not in this way,

Janelle Orion 38:38

something that I feel like I know about this relationship is that it's impacted your your desire to be on the screen right? Like, there's something about your guys's relationship that is has very little screen time,

Andrea Enright 38:48

yeah, but no, that's true across the last you know, eight, nine months, we just have never watched a movie and never watched a TV show and, like, maybe just like, watched a YouTube clip once or twice. And this wasn't an intention in the beginning of our relationship, but we just haven't been drawn to do that together. We both like TV. We both like movies like I'm sure it's something we will eventually enjoy doing together, but us staying off the screen has really benefited our relationship, because we're just more attuned to each other, instead of like watching some tech, and that has inspired something different as well for me in this new year, and that is really just hitting a wall with tech and saying, Okay, wow. How can I stop letting these companies and the phone run my life? I feel like being on the phone, constantly having it with me, checking it all the time, going back to it for the dopamine hit, looking clicking on Instagram, clicking on Facebook, even if I'm not scrolling, even if I have an intention, it keeps me in this Tizzy of activity that makes me feel like I'm being productive when I'm not. So I have put into some new practices around. Around my phone. I am keeping my phone on a chair in my room instead of next to my bed. Very small change, and yet already feels huge, like I'm already in the really good routine habit of doing it. Does it mean that I still don't sometimes get up from my bed and go over to the phone to do something? No, I still do that, but not nearly as much and not nearly as compulsively. I also am trying to commit to having one non phone day a week. That just means that my phone is sitting in my room and I'm still at my computer the whole day. It's really not that different, and yet there is a panic that ensues when I can't find my phone. So it's two, three. The goal is, would be to put the phone in the trunk when I get in the car. Really hard to do that like I've probably only done it twice in my life. It's incredibly difficult. It means giving up music and also giving up a map. I don't usually need a map, though, so it really shouldn't be a problem, but I'm certainly trying. I think a good practice would be to not look at your phone an hour before you go to bed, not look at your phone an hour after you get up in the morning. What I'm doing is basically just trying to minimize that. Not looking at it at all is proving to be pretty difficult. I need to know what time it is, I need to know the weather. I need to make sure that my daughter hasn't messaged me, et cetera, but still, I can cut down on it, right? I can put it away, and I can do something else for an hour. So that's been huge.

Janelle Orion 41:29

I can relate to those changes on the phone. I did a do the obvious challenge last year with Jamie wheel, which had to do with like giving up different things, or just like, noticing your behaviors around different things and exercise, eating, meditation, screen time and addictions. And I, and I was actually, like, really great at most things, except when it came to screen time. And that was like, really, one of my hardest ones. And his also advice was, you know, one hour before bed, one hour after you wake up, and actually, to get, like, hardcover books, right, so that you're reading and so, yeah, so that still continues to be my nemesis as well. And that little bit that I would add is I've just now realized that with social media unless I say, oh, I want to go look at a friend, which I'm not typically doing, then whatever's across my feed are all ads in companies and like influencers, they're not people that I know. Are news outlets or something. And now that with to your point about AI, that not being able to tell the difference between an AI image or an AI video now generated video that it's like, oh, is anything I'm even looking at real and is there, like, Should I just get off of social media altogether? Is a question that I'm, like, really toying with, even though I put, I do put some content on social media, I don't even know that that's worth it, because no one's gonna find it, because it's that's not how the algorithm works anymore. And I don't have any answers, but it's a big change,

Andrea Enright 43:12

yeah, and that was the other change. I forgot about that. I took Facebook off my phone entirely, and Facebook Messenger, I had a huge scroller on Facebook, but I will if something catches my eye. And what I do is I just go to the marketplace and I look for stuff to buy. And so that's off my phone. That's huge. And I actually put Instagram on the last screen on my phone. And I'm not kidding, it's been a 75% reduction of my time in Instagram. I don't see it, and so I don't go. And so I'm just so thrilled I didn't I didn't really know if that would work, because I do like Instagram, and there are things I like there, and there are people I want to see and and, yeah, I just over and over. I think the answer I'm looking for is not in my phone, but I think it is

Janelle Orion 44:01

so much of the time brave hearts. I think we should leave on that note that what Andrea has figured out, this is the last time she spoke to you, is that the answer that she's looking for is not in her phone.

Andrea Enright 44:13

Yeah, it's inside here. Thank you, friend. Thank you for this.

Janelle Orion 44:19

Yeah, beautiful, beautiful to hear what you're up to and where you're at and just the courage, the courage to, like, strip down to the essence of who you are and what, and like, letting go of every part of your life that you thought was gonna look a certain way in order to embrace the change of what's coming.

Andrea Enright 44:38

So grateful for this time, grateful for my health, grateful for you, grateful for my child, and I know it will, it won't always even be this good.

Janelle Orion 44:49

It's all everything changes day to day, but it's all here all the time. That's the thing. It's all of it, heartbreak, the despair and the joy and the beauty.

Andrea Enright 44:59

Yeah. You. Thanks for listening. We love you.

Andrea Enright 45:08

Hey, Bravehearts, looking for permission. Work with us. Andrea offers permission coaching, and Janelle offers erotic wellness sessions. Follow us on Instagram, meet us in real life, at permission to be human workshops in Denver. Subscribe to our newsletter. Do all this and more at our website. Permission to be human. Dot live. You.