It’s Friday night….and I feel alright. Dating apps again! Yes, for real. Janelle and Andrea share their own experience with logistics, strategy, profiles, methodology and why being direct is best. You’ll hear:
-Why saying “Thanks But No Thanks” is a sign of respect
-Profile ideas (they read theirs on the podcast!)
-The definition of Sapio, Demi and RBDSM
-Why they prefer daytime dates
-How to put less pressure on the whole damn thing
TRANSCRIPT:
Online dating part two.
Yes, this is our bite sized tips and tricks and how we do it.
Yeah, for the apps. We're excited to bring you the next section of this
Think outside of culturally conditioned boxes here. okay, maybe you're less, which is why you are going on an online dating app. But who do you have in your life? What love do you have in your life? What friendships? What companionship? Who offers you what?
Where are the holes and where is the abundance already?
So for me, my assessment when I looked at my life was, Oh, I have a platonic life partner in Memphis, my next door neighbor, chosen family, my ex husband, he and I are still in each other's lives. And he holds a really, really important role that I don't have to Get filled by somebody else.
I also have many women friends their friendships to me are super fulfilling. I have a housemate named Damasa this is new and are going to be like doing a lot of life together. My relationship with Andrea is really fulfilling. we're our business partners.
We have a long term relationship. , we're committed to each other's growth, personal growth, processing, becoming, and partners in business and this creative outlet of the podcast. I have another friend, Touch. I have another friend, May. I have another friend, Anastasia, all whom are regulars in my life that provide me love, companionship, processing, fulfillment, That sounds like manufacturing, processing and fulfillment. which means that actually have a lot of boxes checked because I feel love and fulfillment in my life. What I am missing, specifically, is physical intimacy with a masculine. That's what I'm looking for.
So I just wanted to point out, this is a reimagining of the paradigm, right? And it takes some imagination because I was taught and culturally conditioned, we are taught to think it is you and your partner and the rest of the world,
I know now that mine looks quite a bit different and I've spoken about it before on the podcast where it used to be that for me, if I drew it out on a sheet of paper, Now is me. And I am surrounded equally by all these people in my village. so it's a very different vision. so, I am married, I have a husband, he and I have a long history of love, and we share a daughter, and we share a home, and we know each other's family, and we can count on each other, and that's beautiful.
And, he doesn't fulfill all of my needs. And that's part of why I'm Holly. And then I have girlfriends who provide a great sisterhood to me, Janelle, my partner on the podcast. She helps me grow. I have a very, proximal, fellow parent in Jessica. She helps me with anxiety. We hold hands together on parenthood challenges and on men challenges and on just making it through life on a daily basis.
I have someone who supports my art. Ginger and Amanda both make sure that I'm feeling uplifted, that they support the creative process. I see them once in a while. And they give me more of this intellectual stimulation, So you see how people are just different at checking different boxes. So that's what happens first. What do you have right now? You probably don't need every bucket filled.
In one person. And the reason why we're saying that is because if you Think or if I thought that I had to have, I have all these buckets and I want them filled with one person. Well suddenly that makes online dating really a high pressure, high stakes, stressful
Yeah. And I want to make sure that everyone knows that you don't have to be poly for this all to be true. your partner can do one thing for you and then you can get other things from your mom, your daughter, your friend, your neighbor, all these different people. that's the first step. Second step. is thinking about your profile, so now you've assessed what you have. so now the next thing is what are you looking for? I am looking for people who are accepting of my unconventional lifestyle, who are skilled tantric lovers, that we have an engaging and enlivening conversation and they are spiritual.
That's what I am looking for.
Okay, got it. That's very summarized.
So I want someone who is polyamorous and skilled with the polyamorous relationship so he understands that I have a family. I don't have time to devote a lot to him. I want to connect on multiple topics. I want someone else who is very comfortable, in himself, knows who he is and is committed to personal growth. So now that you know what you want, we invite you to write all of this down. Absolutely. And then you think about writing your profile. Now, a lot of people talk about how much they hate writing their profile and I do personal branding for a living. So I know that this is a challenge and I've written people's online dating profiles before.
It's hard to talk about ourselves. , I think why we think it's easier now, because we're a little older. And I definitely know who I am much more than I did five or ten years ago.
Or the first time, you know, 20 years ago when I first started online dating.
Totally different story. So if you have ever run a business, I work with a lot of entrepreneurs, and, A big mistake entrepreneur can make in the beginning is that they think they're just gonna say what they do and put it out there like putting up a flyer in a coffee shop and seeing who responds and just waiting. When in actuality, the best thing to do is identify your target audience.
What I want you to do, as I did recently with a client, I said is who do you actually want to interact with? Because your clients are who you're spending so much of your time with. And so if you actually write an ad, write your LinkedIn profile, and write your online dating profile in a way that attracts exactly who you want to be with, then you will actually filter from the beginning.
That means that someone will show up and look at your dating profile and think, Oh my gosh, I think she's talking to me, Those people feel seen and heard and talked to. If you're showing up in a way that is truly you and you're identifying what you want. And ideally the people who show up and read your profile and think, Hmm, she's not talking to me, that's not me.
And then they're going to swipe left and move on. So identifying this in the beginning is so important. Put it exactly in your profile, who you are and what you're seeking.
Yeah. Brilliant. So Bravehearts, we decided that we would read you our profiles. This is our most how to episode we've ever
Totally. I love it. I love it. It's kind of fun.
So this is what my profile says. My girlfriend say I radiate joy and enthusiasm for life. I'm newly divorced. I miss dating and great intimacy. I've been an avid learner and adventure all my life. I've traveled to over 40 countries and been on all seven continents. Some fun adventures I've been on are I've climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, scuba dived in the Galapagos and completed a 10 day Vipassana silent meditation retreat in India.
My favorite pastimes at the moment are reading books about spirituality and personal growth while sitting in a bathtub. What do you like doing in your spare time? I recently discovered that I really enjoy being playful in the bedroom and want to explore that part of me through creative fun dates and nights in.
I'm very caring and thoughtful and love good cuddles on the couch. Maybe we can start with a fun walk or tea and see if we can laugh together.
Wow, I'm just like drinking that in, right? And I'm just like, I hear softness and beauty and curiosity. Which is totally you.
Yep, and adventure.
And adventure and how much travel is important to you. But also the simplicity of like, being in the bath and reading, staying in. Like you don't need big things, right? Like these, these points of intimacy can be simple.
And in fact, I'm not looking to travel with anyone right now because I am so focused on building my business and. living my life here in Denver. Um, and I am traveling for work every month. Mm-Hmm. . And so even though I've been to all these places, this is just a, a place to connect on as a view of a way of seeing the world.
But I'm not saying like, oh, and I'm looking for someone to take me traveling all the time. Right. I'm actually saying I'm looking for someone to sit in a bathtub with.
Yeah, exactly. But that's your context. That's where you've been.
where I've been and it's an interest of mine. But how about we sit in the bathtub and talk about travel?
So I like how you gave the context and the past and like what you're doing now. It's different. Right. And you don't really overdo it either. You're not like listing off this like long thing of what you like and what your preferences are and how you're gluten free or whatever. Yeah. Right? It's, it's really just, it's talking directly to someone and saying, hi, here's my vibe.
And if you listen to our part one of the online dating, then you heard me say like someone responded to this ad and was like, Hey, what are your favorite hotels in New York with bathtubs? These are mine.
Oh my God. I love it. sign me up, especially when I saw how much they cost. so I was like, yeah, I was like, Oh, great.
Like, we're starting immediately with where I am right now. So
yeah, I just keep going back to the simplicity because you've shaved off the excess. you're not giving a whole play by play for life, So I'm thinking about mine, you even gave me some ideas. The cadence and the rhythm of what you write matters too.
I mean, I liked how you asked a question in the middle. you know, it's a reflection of your own curiosity and inquiry. And that's what you do. You ask questions.
notice, I also asked, what do you like doing in your spare time? Right? Because if you spend, if you spend 40 hours a week working with two kids and all that, like, then that's not like, we're not going to overlap there. it's also a way of like, no, like, what, where are your interests?
Not that not just like, what do you do for your work?
exactly. How long did it take you to write this?
Have an hour.
Yeah, so you mean you wrote it and put it up, right? Yeah. Did you mull over it for a bunch time?
I did a couple of edits because I kind of started like with Oh, how did I used to write them? And I started there and I was like, Oh, but actually, cause I, when I started with all the travel stuff, the way that I wrote it the first time and kind of implied that I wanted to be traveling. And so I need, I was like, Oh no, no, like that's, I'm going to call in the wrong person if I do it that way.
Yeah, good correction.
So Bravehearts, Bravehearts. I have an incredible bathtub in my room, here at the Goddess Temple, and I have never been one to take baths. At all. Ever. Until, about six months ago.
And, so, Like, this is real time. Like, I actually had to be like, honest with myself. I'm really looking for someone to , play in bed with and sit in a bathtub. that I have never described myself that way. And it also took some vulnerability of an acknowledgement of who I am right now, versus who I think I should be, or who I was in the past.
Good stuff.
Who you are right now versus who you think you should be. Yeah, I didn't know the bathtub thing was like a new thing for you.
Totally new.
That's so funny you say that you spend a lot of time in that bathtub.
it's ridiculous how much time I now spent in this bathtub. So I also recognize that it's probably a phase, but it's like in this like journey of where I'm at in my life. Like being in bathtub is, is a very self care situation for me.
Yay. it's hard for me to stay in personal mode. I'm just like, you're underselling yourself. you're like vibrating with, cosmic energy and that's okay. mean, that's okay that you're not talking about that.
Either. In my profile. Right. Because I'm actually, I'm doing that just plenty. I don't need someone else to bring more of that in. Right. Unless I can do that with me with sex. I am looking for that in sex. Yeah. But I don't need it from the intellectual, intellectual. basically I need someone who's like sex is created, it is connected to the spirituality.
If it's just strictly spiritual, then it's not what I want right now because I have plenty of that. And so I'm definitely very specifically , the box that I don't have checked is enough sex the energetic. intimate connecting mind body spirit in a sensual, sexual, physical way.
What that looks like gets to be broad, but it definitely is activating my life force energy.
Beautiful. Nice for a coat, by the way. Thanks Lucian for returning that.
It's so fun to wear. Okay, Andrea, your turn. Let's hear your personality come out loud and clear.
Long time E N M chick married entrepreneur and with a stable partner, child and home life seeking a Sapio and Demi connection with chemistry and advanced poly skills. Your dedication to personal growth is a must R B D S M conversation to start. Parents, this is not BDSM exclamation point. Your relationship with yourself is number one, good boundaries required.
My brand of love is fierce. I know what I want and what I like most important things in my life in priority order, love relationships, music, exercise, art, urban educated, penchant for feathers and beachwear. Midwest roots often wears a hat, sometimes called intense podcast host, writing a book loves to sit on the porch, bad vegetable eater, mediocre runner, fond of trucks, live music festivals, karaoke, the New Yorker strangers, garage sales, and pie.
I believe in magic, rarely drink plant medicine journeys and gummies are a yes currently doing a hundred day project with meditation and Wim Hof breathing.
All right, Bravehearts. If you're not quite as witty, don't worry. There's so much here, the first thing that, like, comes up for me is like, Oh, who's she? This to me would just, like, stand out. Someone else reading it, right? It's like, Oh, there's something unique here, She's not like everybody else is like the flavor and the feeling that I'm getting from this. Sapio and Demi connection. Can you tell us what those are?
Yeah, so sapio, I barely know myself. I mean, I just know sapiosexual is, when you're attracted to someone at an intellectual level. Like, that's really important to me. And then, um, a demisexual connection is emotional. those are both just as important to me as the physical attraction.
Beautiful. And They could be interested in all this and you're already like, I can encouraging them. They don't know some of these words, like up level and like figure them out. Also, you mentioned the acronym, the safer sex conversation, which I said I loved. And so if they don't know what that means, then they can be like, Oh, what does that mean?
I've had a few people like, oh, look this up. Never heard of it. Amazing. Totally on board.
Great. And then Dig down to the bottom where you're saying that you really drink, that plant medicine journey is like, here's like, this is again, it's such an easy swipe left, right? Yes. So someone who loves to drink and doesn't do plant medicine, like might be like, oh, it's an easy no.
Totally. Clarity.
And really, Bravehearts, I think what Andrew and I are both saying here and is really clear and in her profile is that It's so much better to get the no ahead of time, right? Why waste your time that someone who's not a fit, by being very specific in your profile Versus being general and then getting a whole bunch of people none of whom that you can even differentiate between and and they can't differentiate you either
And I did really rate this pretty quickly. I just, I just banged it out and didn't, didn't do a bunch of editing, didn't really worry about it. Even now, I'm just like, Oh, okay, I might like change a few things, but whatever. I just put it out there and to see what would happen.
Right, So what I see here is you are, describing yourself. but really what you're describing is who you're seeking, what they look like. And then you have a couple of points, which in some ways, and we've talked, we just talked about this, you're conveying your personality in this as well. the words and some of this don't even matter.
It's the fact that she's clearly a good writer. And she's funny. Is what's coming across.
And I'm realizing like, oh, these little pithy statements. I'm like, Oh, those are kind of intense, aren't they?
which is why it's so funny when you're like, sometimes called intense.
Do you disagree with that? yeah, I don't think that you have to read this and be like, oh, well I have to be into live music and festivals to like her, or to be with her. Um, this is just giving you an idea of who I am, but I also noticed that I started with what I'm seeking.
and I think there was an intuitive, Decision there and that people can read that first and say, Oh, no, I want something different. So then they can go away
And I didn't do that on mine. Um, I talked about me first and then it gets to that.
Yeah, no big deal I mean it's it's a short intro for both of us
And our point being is there's no right or wrong answer.
Right, absolutely
We are not the experts on online dating profiles.
this is just how we're doing it
Okay, next. You've got your profile written. You hit live, you're published. Okay, great. You're out there.
should we talk about pictures?
Sure.
didn't take too long with that either. I was just like, okay
Right. It's a mixture. I have some like stylized ones. I happen to have some from a photoshoot. So like where I'm looking like more glamorous. And then I have me like literally like rolling out of bed and like wearing like onesies at Burning Man.
Yeah, great. Um, and I have one, like I do every day with my feather earrings and my hat on my client calls. I've got one in a swimsuit so people can see my full body. Yeah, of them is with you on the podcast. Right. Cause I know you don't mind. then there's one of me and my husband dancing, which is important too.
just a good mixture. Okay, so next is the reach outs. okay, let's say you match with someone. And I know the apps, I'll do it a little bit differently, but you match. I tend to reach out first if I, have a lot of interest.
Mm And my strategy is just, hi, I'm attracted to you. I like the spirit of your profile. Check me out. If it's a fuck yes, let's do a chemistry check and coffee soon. Here's where I live. Just very quick, direct. I really prefer not to stay on the app messaging back and forth. and this is a choice, but I really feel like I've done that before, and it, it tends to just, Goes on and it keeps going and we haven't met and I don't know if I'm how I'm gonna feel in person And I would just prefer to just immediately plan something and then decide so I can move on if it's not right
Yep. Yeah. And As I mentioned in the last podcast, I did online dating for eight years. And so I really got a system down. cause I definitely felt like basically fell in love with people's images in the beginning. Right. I had a whole relationship in my head, totally played out. And then they never responded.
my god, that's awesome if I could see that though in the beginning you're like, oh my god
It's going to be amazing. This guy is so hot. So eventually got over that technique and instead to something similar, couple of back and forth via text and then meet as quickly as possible. In fact, my, former husband and said, like, yeah, our first date was essentially an interview because I was like, great, I'd love to meet you. Let's meet for coffee. 30 minutes, middle, middle of the day. And it was after that, then I was like, okay, you've you passed now second date is available.
And let me ask you why were you not doing a drink at happy hour? Oh, yeah
So at the time, I love I don't drink much now. But I did at the time we're talking about 20 years ago, I drank all the time. But I had gotten to the point. That I realized that alcohol was not serving me to figure out if I liked the person or not. And that I would end up was wasting time.
When I had one or two drinks when really in the first five minutes, I knew I didn't want to spend more time with them. so I just decided that for a first date that alcohol didn't, help me become more clear about whether I liked the person or not.
Nice, okay I was happy to drink and drank, , on second dates and all other days probably after that.
But I just got to the point where, Yeah, like the just like the daytime, I just didn't want to commit too much of my life to someone until I knew and I was going to know really quickly in five minutes, like the idea of having dinner. without having met three, four was like, Oh my gosh, I could be wasting two hours of my life.
Yeah, let's mention the money
Yeah, it was like too much pressure.
this is time consuming. I mean, let's be honest. Like, it, it does take a bunch of time and I have found that I like the daytime vibe. There's a little bit less pressure on it. I have had, friends in the past tell me like, Oh, my daytime dates never go well.
the evening is just like a more sexy time. It's a time where vibes and chemistry happen more often. I disagree so far. I'm, I'm really only a few weeks into it right now, but I just really like the short time commitment and the daytime ease.
So what I want to say is that for someone who drinks regularly, who the idea of meeting a stranger sober, Might feel really intimidating. Yeah, like I don't, A, recognize that. Yeah, sure. B, so I agree with you that the evening can have a more sexy vibe, but for me, I don't want it to get sexy until I've had the RBDSM conversation, the safer sex conversation that we're talking about.
For me, that's the intimacy I want to start with. And that's a conversation I definitely want to have when I'm sober. don't want to put myself in a situation where like the sexy vibes are happening and I haven't had that conversation.
Yeah. And just note too, that the RBDSM conversation is not just about sex. It actually stands for relationships, boundaries, desires, sexual health, meaning
Yeah. And we have a whole podcast on that. You can listen to
This =is about, like, what is this even meaning to you? who am I to you if we decide to get together? what do our dates mean? How often are we seeing each other? Are you, are we exclusive? Are we not? There's many, many questions that come up during that.
That conversation is one that I would really have on a second date. If they pass the first date, then now the second date I have that conversation.
Okay, great. And so, how do you handle, nope, not a fit. Like, when do you tell them and how do you tell them?
So I feel that it's a real sign of respect and care and consideration for someone else to tell them, no, I'm not interested. that can look different ways. But I remember. I had a friend, someone else had broken up with us and we were like each other's like commiseration friends.
And The ghosting is the worst. Like, I remember how many times he and I would be like, Dude, she just ghosted me. Ugh, he just ghosted me. And this doesn't feel good. And so I really got to learn that I would rather have a no with clarity than nothing.
Yeah, it's really so true, isn't it? it's funny. It reminds me of a time when I didn't want to have a conversation with someone Because it was going to be a hassle You're like, oh you're just like being selfish Because you don't want to deal with the hassle of that conversation
you don't want to deal with the impact,
I wasn't going to tell them, or I didn't want to talk to them about it. And this is someone I already knew. But in this situation, I mean, you're just being selfish by not being honest. Even on messaging, like, it's not that hard to say, You know what? It wasn't a fit for me. I wish you well.
That's all you have to say.
And I get actually that it is hard. It can feel really hard, I believe, and I think obviously you do too, that if we want to like up level our like communication and our relationship skills as humans and to one another, then this is a place to start, which is , saying no, when we're no.
there's been a couple times when I've said it in person at the end of the date. Like, This was a great conversation. I really enjoyed you. You seem like a great guy and I don't feel any physical or chemistry spark with you. And I'm really glad.
I mean, that means I'm done. I leave and I'm like, Nope, that's finished. I just closed that. It feels really good to have that closure even though it is, it's uncomfortable.
It can be uncomfortable. Yeah. But there's an energetic like clearing, closure. When I didn't know how to say no to people for a while that this is when I was younger, the phrase was, thank you. I'm flattered, but I must decline.
Like literally at the end of the day, or what do you mean?
Like if someone had asked me out, they didn't want to go out with, or when I didn't know how to say no, I, I practiced a phrase.
Thank you. I'm flattered, but I must decline.
In your case, like I was just like, Oh, like you don't like memorize the thing what Andrew just said. Oh, thank you. This was a great conversation. And I don't feel physical chemistry. just come up with one sentence, practice it knowing your head so that you have in your back pocket when you need to use it, I think can help in when the pressure or the feeling awkward of saying that saying it is present.
Yeah. Love it. Okay. So just to review a few of the basic tenets of online dating apps in your midlife is I'm getting to practice all of these things. One feeling rejected. I'm noticing it just doesn't bother me nearly as much. If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with him.
But we don't jive. if one of us isn't, isn't in, then there is nothing to mourn. It's not like, Oh, it's actually the imagined reality. You imagined yourself maybe with him, maybe really excited about him. But it doesn't exist. It's actually all false in your mind. So let's just remember that. It helps me practice. Expressing exactly who I am. And that's a good reminder, right? Sometimes I'm like, Oh, I thought I was this, but I'm not.
and I alluded to that with like the bathtub thing. I never would have thought that one of my hobbies is taking baths. But it is, I have to, and I had to face that and then just said that.
I tap into my intuition. I think you spoke to that earlier. You're pausing. You're like, how does this feel in my head?
How does this feel in my body? you've been taking a break in the middle of the date, which my dates are pretty short, and just being like, okay, how do I feel? Am I present? Am I lit up? Am I dull? Cause sometimes I feel like the adrenaline of the situation can kind of keep me from settling in.
And as Andrew and I are both extroverts and enjoy conversations with strangers, that sometimes that can mask that it's actually like that, that's happening. A great conversation is happening. And I'm still not that excited.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that totally happens. Because I've had lots of good conversations and they weren't the right guy. Let's see. I don't waste time texting with people. I don't take two weeks selecting my profile photos. I don't write five drafts of my profile. as we discussed, I don't go on evening dates immediately. And, uh, you know, I don't get down when someone ghosts me, whatever, moving on.
Right. Like you don't want it to like totally like rock your. rock your day.
No, not really. Yeah. But, you know, that, and that comes full circle back to the beginning, which is like, put a little bit less pressure on each person, on each person. Yeah. this does not have to be the end all be all.
Right? Because if we're actually recognizing how much we have, how much love and fulfillment we have in our life, and we know that we're just looking for one or two boxes more to get checked, you know, and maybe for you, you could be monogamous, right? Like, that's great. You can be like, but it still doesn't mean you're looking for every single box to be checked in that
Yeah. Yeah. And what we didn't mention is that don't forget about the love and relationship you have with yourself. the relationship with yourself absolutely has to come first. I'm not saying that I'm always so happy alone and I'm totally fine. And I feel empowered every time, all the time I don't, but I'm always practicing that.
Yeah, for sure. And I think that's what probably helps us navigate the with curiosity. The dating in general, like the whole reason why we're doing this and why we're having fun with it now. is that I'm like so proud of myself. last date that I was on, I was like, look at all the boundaries that I set.
Look at all the ways I use my voice to state to him what I wanted in the middle of intimacy. I was noticing how far I'd come. I was noticing how I was guiding him on this RBDSM conversation that was really important for me. And he was like, mind blown and was like, thank you so much. Even if we never see each other again, you've just like impacted every one of my future relationships.
Because you've taught me this. So that feels really good, right? It's like the measurement of success isn't did I marry this person? The measurement of success is that like, one or both of us got something out of the time spent together.
Yeah, it's really true. And you know, something else that comes to mind is, If you know that you have a weakness in a particular boundary area, like I think I have trouble sometimes making decision in the moment decide ahead of time if you want to pay, if you want him to pay, or if you're going to split it, Even if you're just having a coffee. Because I think that's the, there's been those moments of tension that have come up in all my dates when I'm trying to decide or like, how am I going to handle this? Um, and there's no right or wrong answer, like whatever's comfortable for you. If you want to let him pay if he offers, great.
If you prefer to pay for your own, if you want to give him a gift. So what is it that you have trouble doing? Like, do you have trouble exiting the conversation? Is it better to give him a hard stop in the beginning to say like, I have to leave by three 30, make sure that you hold that. Yeah. I don't know. Is there anything else in their boundaries?
You're bringing up something regarding the who's paying for what and I'm noticing that that's like a change that I've had that now I'm, I'm like, Oh, my preference is for him to pay. even if it doesn't mean we're having a second date, which is very different than I had before.
But it's like, what does it feel like in situations that I haven't been in before to like, be wearing the outfit of the current version of me? Oh, here's this new evolution. I'm getting to practice it is I'm just so grateful for it.
What's your stat right now? How many dates and how many days
I've been on like 12 dates.
and how many days
Maybe 20. Okay. Something like that.
So, there was one point, I think it was Ten dates and twelve days, right. Like, she was like on a hot streak there, , Bravehearts. and for me, I'm not seeing as many people, but there is something to, I'm discovering who I am I'm not fixed in stone.
I guess I've got all these labels. These are the things I'm looking for. But I'm also allowing myself to be present with who is in front of me. What's their energy? How am I feeling? And allowing something to be new in myself to blossom. And so even though here's some like rules of thumb that I'm saying and like, oh, I like them to pay and blah, blah, I'm also realizing the more dates I go on, the more Clarity I'm getting about myself.
Yeah, and that's really what I'm loving about online dating
I know. It's actually, it's a mirror. And I'm glad you brought that up because I, I mean, I came up with, I've come up with some parameters, which I read to you earlier. But, I don't know. it keeps changing, right? I mean, the kind of, all the guys that I'm going out with are like, They're very different from each other.
Right? Way different styles. That's a great point, too. Like, I'm not just like, nope, it has to be this. I'm just like, oh, this is, that's an idea. Like, I could go that way, or I could go this way. I mean, you know, the ages are different. Right? The styles are different. They're married. They're not married. Like,
Yeah, i've got it i've got a 40 year age range i'm like 30 to 70
Right. Mine is definitely a lot smaller. in the beginning, I was like, huh. And it's okay not to know what you want, but I think you should always be honing it in, right? And actually the more dates I've gone on, the more I'm like, Oh, I see. No, I actually, I don't need this. And it's interesting what, sometimes I've like been attracted to someone and I'm like, Oh, that person's just like my husband.
I'm like, Oh shit. Which is fine. But like, do I need that? it's a working out, you know, and it take, it does take time and you'll get fatigued.
And eventually you're going to find the person who's like the overlap is like when you find the overlap that creates the spark It feels exciting then you create something new together
Exactly. And I mean, mostly I am noticing about our conversations is that right now is that we are enjoying the now. Yes. We're really, I mean, I'm just, right now I'm not attached to the outcome.
Exactly
I don't even know, like, I might not find anyone at all, like, and that's just almost not the point, it's invigorating me, it's showing me who I am, it's showing me who I'm not, it's showing me what's possible, I don't even know if, like, this is the right time, or, I'll find someone,
all you're paying attention to is that you're enjoying going out on dates
is correct. That is awesome. Beautiful.
And with that, Bravehearts, that's the takeaway.
Totally. Totally. Go. Don't be afraid of the 📍 apps. You can do it. We believe in you. And we love you. If you need help, give us a call.
Yeah, she's really good. You could hire her to write your
It's true, I could write your profile.
Yeah, we're available for dates, or for writing your profile. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh my god. Love it. Bye.