Ep 96: Part 9/12, Fashion Freedom - Koya Nyangi's Guide to Bold Self-Expression: Building a Relationship with Yourself Series

Janelle and Andrea feel the vibration and joy that Koya Nyangi brings to clothing. With the CEO of Let Me Show You Different, get ready to dive into a world where fashion meets self-discovery.

This episode is a vibrant exploration of how clothing can be a powerful tool for self-expression and personal growth. She takes us a on journey showing us how our clothing - and past versions of ourselves - may be behind us, but our closet is in front of us - and how we can get into alignment.

Full of joy, surprise and rule breaking, get ready to receive permission to embrace your unique style! You’ll hear:

-How your wardrobe can reflect your inner self and evolve with you

-Permission to Play: Learn why playing dress-up isn't just for kids

-Break the Rules: Ditch fashion norms and wear what makes you feel alive

-Closet Therapy: Tips on how to reimagine your wardrobe and find joy in your clothes

Learn more about Koya on IG @‌letmeshowyoudifferent.

TRANSCRIPT:

Janelle Orion 0:00

Janelle, struggling to discuss sex and intimacy with your partner, not feeling met, seen or heard in your relationships. I'm Janelle And I'm Andrea. We're two midlife Mavericks sharing our own experiences, messy AF and no regrets with marriage, divorce, polyamory and pleasure. We've learned that when you're brave enough to figure out what you want and ask for it, with partners, friends, family and most importantly, yourself, you'll feel more alive and free question everything, especially your mother's advice. There's no rom com formula for this. But don't panic. Being alone matters, honey, I can't miss you if you don't leave,

Janelle Orion 0:40

what if your breakup

Janelle Orion 0:41

could be your breakthrough? Our podcast is for brave hearts. Anyone who seeks or has found the courage to confront their fears and limiting beliefs about breaking societal norms in the spirit of finding their truth. If you're seeking permission to be brave in your relationships and want to feel less alone along the way, we got you

Janelle Orion 1:07

three parts. You Bruce going in because, oh my god,

Janelle Orion 1:11

is this just this like burst of joy, this burst of light, but her way of seeing the world and seeing people through clothing as their essence, I feel like it was just a guy. It was a whole new way for me of seeing how people can come home to themselves. Yes,

Andrea Enright 1:33

I feel like she just gave me permission to even more so express exactly who I am, no rules, no structure, no context, no color coded, no. You can't wear this because it's not the right color for you. Who am I and what do I want to wear? And how can I bring that out in the world? And how

Janelle Orion 1:57

does it make me feel? Because how do I feel in it. Yes.

Andrea Enright 2:01

Koya, this interview was a beautiful conversation about self about self expression,

Janelle Orion 2:10

and it is for anybody who wears clothes.

Andrea Enright 2:14

Yes, that is the audience.

Andrea Enright 2:18

She helped me

Andrea Enright 2:19

completely re imagine a necklace I got from Africa. She gave me permission to look in my closet and say, oh, you know what? This is not me. And then also

Janelle Orion 2:32

to say, oh, but it doesn't mean I have to get rid of it. Maybe I just need, as she called it, a link. Maybe I just need to reimagine it. Maybe I need to play dress up. Okay, Bravehearts, there's just so much here. So if you wear clothes, this is a must listen.

Janelle Orion 2:47

Yay.

Andrea Enright 2:53

Hi, Bravehearts, welcome to permission to be human. I'm Andrea and I'm Janelle, and we are here with our next installment in the how to build a relationship with yourself series.

Janelle Orion 3:07

We are so excited to have Koya yungi here today to talk to us about so many beautiful things, both inside and outside. And if you're watching, you can see you might get a hint as to what she's all about, because of just how colorful and fabulous and amazing she looks, right now, right?

Andrea Enright 3:29

I mean, like, as soon as she got on, I'm just like, Oh my gosh. I just like,

Andrea Enright 3:34

Yeah, it's like, so much delicious color. So Koya yangi is CEO and founder of, let me show you difference, a fashion styling company that imports high couture brands from all over Africa. She calls herself a bad bitch. She's been working in fashion her whole life,

Andrea Enright 3:56

and she's originally from Kenya. Koya has been featured in multiple publications, honored as a civic leader for her contributions and bringing African culture to Denver. She loves a good dirt road in her green Jeep and is passionate about hope. Koya, welcome to permission to be human. I loved reading that bio, and I love that you love a good dirt road in your green Jeep like that is right up my alley. I want to go with you in the green jeep. When are we going

Koya Nyangi 4:28

tomorrow? I'm all about spontaneity. So yes, okay, that was, that was you, Janelle, you wrote that.

Janelle Orion 4:39

I wrote part yes, because I had to put it together. And so I was like, Oh, I've got some insider knowledge about what Koya drives, and I've been on a good dirt road with her. So

Andrea Enright 4:49

really, you've been on a good dirt road with her. I didn't know that. Yes, where'd you guys go together?

Janelle Orion 4:54

We went for Thomas's photo shoot, in the wilderness, in the elements, in. Rain in the in the river, we've had a deep experience together.

Andrea Enright 5:06

Wow, that sounds like an African experience like that. Sounds like what I did in Africa.

Koya Nyangi 5:12

What a safari. Yeah. I mean, well, just

Andrea Enright 5:15

most of my adventures in Africa involved a dirt road, for sure, and being in the middle of nowhere, and speaking of Africa, I just want to say I felt your Africa energy as soon as you got on the call. And it's a little hard to explain, but there is just, like an ease and a smile and like, it's all going to be fine, kind of energy that I remember from being in Africa. There is a slowness, a it's hard to describe, but it is a flow that I remember when being there, that I don't know it's all good, you know, just like it's going to work out.

Koya Nyangi 5:57

Yeah, that really is the mentality that we have. It's going to work on. It's so weird. You say that because, because I went back to Kenya the beginning of this year. So in January, actually, and I supposed to, I was meeting one of my designers, because we were going to see a land that she wanted me to go and see. And she's like, Okay, I've sent the club guy who's going to come and pick you up. And she was like, she's he's gonna come at around 1011 ish. I was like, okay, good. So I got ready, and he came, I think at probably one or like, 1230 and I there was a point where I was like, Okay, I'm ready. She's like, Yeah, he's going to come. And I was like, You know what? I'm not gonna go, I'm not going to call and find out I'm just gonna wait, and to be told he's out there anyway, he calls me. He's like, I'm out there. And then I just, I remember opening the door, and be like, Yeah, I've been waiting for you. And he looked at me, and his response was, like, the day is going to be what the day is going to be like, just go with it. Like, no one is boring. And I post that moment, there were two breaks. There was me as an African, me as a Kenyan, and then there was me living in America and how people get on time in every single situation. At this moment, I was like, you are very right. The day is going to be, what the day is going to be and I have no sense of time anymore. Let's just go with your flow. It's okay. I'm just riding this wave with you, so it's good. And I had the most amazing time. And it reminded me of it's okay, like it's okay. We have this. We need to do this. We don't do this. It's not gonna happen. And then this is gonna fuck up this, and this is going to happen to this, then along the way, we miss so many unexpected joys that would have happened that were never like in the plan, but is what the gift of the universe was going to give you. So it's a reminder every single time I think being Kenyan, every I always want to live like that, but also just my people from Africa. I think we just like, live, like that

Andrea Enright 8:04

beautiful story. Thank you.

Janelle Orion 8:06

So like that whole story. So we're talking to Koya. We've invited her on here because she is a fashion stylist, but that whole story is like, oh, like, there's lessons about being in relationship with yourself, and somehow you your description of being a Kenyan is also epitomizes how we can have a relationship with ourselves, right? Of being like, oh, okay, I'm good. Everything is going to be okay. We get to tell ourselves that. But what I'm really excited for brave hearts to know about you, Koya, because this is Koya and I fell in love like just a few months ago, over a jewelry table where she had at an event and oh my gosh, I need to go put my ring on.

Andrea Enright 8:56

Where's the big ring? Because I tried this big ring on when I met you at the event the day before, I was like, Oh my gosh. I tried the ring on, I tried the earrings on, but they were just, they were a little too, like they just overwhelmed my face. Now, look at that

Janelle Orion 9:13

ring. Here it is. Here's my Cinderella ring, as Koya named it. So Koya, I would actually love for you to tell brave hearts what a Cinderella ring is. Yes,

Koya Nyangi 9:29

I cannot believe they use the word anyway. Um, so what was happening on that day was, I don't measure the rings. It's whatever rig that you're gonna try on. And wherever sticks, which I like to say, is a ring that wants to come home with you. So I'm not like, oh, you're a size nine. Here all the size nine rings. You're a size five. No, I just like, throw in everything. And so it's this, like, nice finding and trying and be like, Oh my god, oh my god. And. To I get to see, like, the number of people who've, like, tried on a ring, and I'm like, Ah, no one's like, could be like, no one is taking this ring. And then in walks Janelle. She like, tries it on, and she's like, my god, it fits me. And I was like, it has not fit anyone the whole day until you came. And so then it became a Cinderella, right now, it wanted, yeah, was waiting for

Janelle Orion 10:25

you. It was love that I didn't even hear that part of the story. It was this feeling of, there was like, I'm just gonna say, like, 30 gorgeous rings, right? And I picked this one up first thing, put it on fit me perfectly, super comfortable. And then I was there. Yeah, I was hanging out with Corey, like, two hours. So then I started trying on all the other rings, just to, like, see. And none of the other ones fit. None of the other ones were correct. And it was like, Oh no, this, it's like an expression of my inner self as, which is how I'd love to talk about my clothing was this is, this is the outer expression of it. And how do you describe Koya clothing as building a relationship with

Koya Nyangi 11:12

self? Ah, what a lovely question. We are every single day trying to figure out who we are. I mean, just the minute we have opinions about life, the minute we are aware about who we are, the minute we know that, oh, every single time I walk out of the door, I'm communicating my story to someone else. That is where we start having this sense of like, who am I? And clothes really is a journey. You know, like you, where you are right now, we are constantly trying to figure out who we are. We are going through different moments in our life. We're going through different season to different events. I mean, we are breaking up. We're getting a divorce, we're getting married, we're going to school, we're going to university. A spouse is dead. You know, we are moving houses. We now are like, this is not me, where my clothing is infused in all of that. And every single time we are we are asking to give ourselves permission to figure out who we are. So we start at a certain point, and we are. We've picked some clothes, we try it on. We're like, oh my god, I think I like red. I might not like red. I think I like bank. I might not like bank. You open your closet, you're like, this, like, Why do I not have clothes in my closet? But every single time people say that I'm like, It's not that you don't have clothes in your closet. It's that the clothes are in your closet are not a reflection of who is in your mind.

Janelle Orion 12:47

I have done this myself. I've opened up my closet at times and been like, oh my god, there's nothing in here. And you're saying it's because what I'm seeing in front of me doesn't reflect the version of me that I see myself as then, yes,

Koya Nyangi 13:02

most of the times, that really is the reason. The other reason could just be not in a solid perspective. You are missing some links to help connect all of

Andrea Enright 13:12

it. I'm just to relate this, to make this as relatable as possible when I, when I go into my closet now there's like, three or four pieces at the back, maybe even seven pieces that I've kept because I'm like, No, I can't get rid of them because, like, they still fit and they're quality pieces or and yet, it's been a year since I've worn them, or maybe two years, but I can't quite get rid of them. I am now taking in that those pieces no longer reflect who I am in my mind, yes,

Koya Nyangi 13:46

and I've also seen another reason is it could be there's a missing link, like that outfit that you are constantly operating and you're seeing and you're like, you've been holding, you been keeping it for like, yeah, you still haven't worn it. It's not a complete outfit yet. There's some outfits that are not yet complete that they're waiting for something then they're complete. That's why, in your nervous system, you know that you don't want to throw it away. You're like, Oh, I'm not ready to give this up, because there's still something there. The story is not yet done. It needs something else, and then it's a complete look. I'm gonna give example this. I have not I bought this for my partner, and they're like, I don't like it. I was like, Okay, I'll, I'll put it. I'll take it. But I've had it in my closet for three years. This is the first time I'm wearing it. And when you asked me today, how was your morning, I was like, oh my god, what am I wearing to this podcast, I tried something, and I was like, Wait a minute. Oh, that's a really beautiful knit. And I wore and I put this on, which I just got from Kenya, the big. Of the year. And then I was like, Oh my God, this whole outfit, like, finally it came alive. But for the past three years, I mean, I have folded it, put it in my goodwill, and then I'm like, now, not yet. So yes, it could be a missing link, but also it could be the way you are seeing yourself when you open the reflection and the clothes is just not reflecting that back to you, so then you are way ahead of your clothes. The clothes are now behind you, and yet they're in front of you. That's what you see single day?

Andrea Enright 15:42

Love it

Janelle Orion 15:44

that is so descriptive. Like, I just, I just can, like, visualize, I can see my entire life. Actually, I have always, like, different pieces of clothing that I'm like, oh, like, they're just behind me now, because the version of me and I'm actually very aware that, like, my closet, even right now is, like, waiting for a new there's like, there's a version of me that's here right now that my closet does not meet. And I'm just like, Oh, who's coming? What clothing is coming my way?

Koya Nyangi 16:18

I like that. Yeah. I love that, yeah.

Andrea Enright 16:21

Who's coming to your new party? Yeah, yeah, to your next party, like, yeah. How will it show up

Koya Nyangi 16:27

every single time?

Janelle Orion 16:30

Coya, one of the things that you said to me that really stuck with me that first time that we met was it, I'm gonna say it was an African proverb. It might not be a proverb, but it was this idea that, and I'm gonna have you say it, but it's about clothing or your jewelry, like enters the room first, or something.

Koya Nyangi 16:50

Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Janelle has this thing where I think, and I love it. She remembers every single thing that I say. But I'm always, I'm like, the Holy Spirit got me and I started saying stuff, and she's like, you remember what you told me that I was like, Oh, my God, I say that I cannot. I have a soothing wisdom today.

Janelle Orion 17:15

I love it. I love it.

Koya Nyangi 17:17

Yes, this was a conversation, because she had worn this very beautiful Adele de Jacques piece. And, you know, this design is, you know, she really creates really amazing sculptural standout pieces. And she had put it on, and we were talking about jewelry and all the things, and so I was telling her jewelry like introduces itself before you, like, it enters into the room before you enter. And I say this, like the sometimes there's, like, there's a jingle that, like, that the jewelry has, if you wear it, like I have, like, a, like a bracelet that I wear that it bangs across the different metals and so you can get to hear it, but also in the African society, that's how it sort of like, like you would you, I mean, we adorned ourselves with like, so much jewelry. So like our feet are cleared. You had, like your wrist over here, you had, like the necklaces. And I even think about like the basai women from Kenya, like and how they have this, like, really beautiful jewelry, not only just in color, but also, like when they move, they have this sort of like vibration to them. So like you, you start hearing the sounds of them before you even see them. So basically, if you're standing out, there is no better way to stand out and a beautiful structural piece of jewelry that commands attention.

Janelle Orion 18:55

Yeah, if you are looking at the podcast right now, somehow, I'm holding a traditional Kenyan Maasai necklace in my hand, and it has these wrinkles on it, which I got in Kenya when I was there many, many years ago, and

Koya Nyangi 19:15

that I know,

Janelle Orion 19:19

so crazy.

Janelle Orion 19:22

And I have worn it, and it is a it's such a standout piece. But what I'm curious now is, okay, as someone you're talking to me, who is really like, I love standout pieces. I love I recognize that clothing is an expression of my interstate What do you think some are the obstacles are that people have when it comes to clothing and building a relationship with themselves?

Koya Nyangi 19:50

That's like, that's number one. It's permission. And then it is. You need to understand that you are. Are not perfection in the way you think you are supposed to be, but you're perfection in your own way. So if you accept that, that if you accept you are enough, then everything else around you doesn't really matter. So as you're dressing up, you're not really dressing from the gaze of what will people think? What will people perceive of me? What am I saying but you? It's coming from within you. So then everything else that response that people have is the response that people have, but you're not really operating from their point of view. You're operating from yours. It's like, do I love this? Is this making me happy when I wear it? Is it? And am I do I love it? But also, am I scared of it? It could be yes. And then if it's a yes, it's then why not? Then you have to explore that. Why not? And then is it enough for you to then give yourself permission to be like, You know what? With all of that, I will still go ahead and wear it, because I kind of want to explore and express my way and see who I am as I choose to go down this path of a style that maybe maybe don't think is mine, but I think that I want to explore. So I'm

Andrea Enright 21:25

hearing it's not just permission to wear something, it's permission to try something, to really like explore your own path. So how does that relate to getting permission to be yourself?

Koya Nyangi 21:39

Let's this. I think we need to start from the as the point of view of you need to know yourself. They you know, people ask, where do you get your style from? I get my style from knowing who I am. That's where I get my style from. I get it from that. I, I'll, I'll be told, Oh, like, like, we're going for a thing, and but people aren't dressing up. It's just a casual thing. I'm like, okay, cool. I'm going to be wearing whatever I'm going to be wearing, my casual is going to look completely different. This is very casual for me right now, by the way. Love it, but that's one casual thing for other people. But I'm not going for like, am I gonna raffle some feather? Like, am I going to be too much for people that I don't care? I really don't care. And it goes back again for Where are you getting the information about who you are? Who is telling you how to dress most of the time. We're listening to people outside to tell us who we need to be. That is a problem, because then you don't know who you are. You're like, oh, like, this. Are the in colors this are the war like, I think I look better in this color than another. I'm like, I don't know who told you that, but we are walking around believing a lot of things that have been said about us, instead of trying to figure out who we are within ourselves.

Andrea Enright 23:10

It's beautiful. And I'll tell you told me that, like, like, Yes, from like, the age of nine or 11, I remember getting a color consult, right? Like, oh, this is what season you are. These are your good colors. These are your bad colors. Obey, right? Like, track that. And I think that is, that's just a deep message, right, that I received very early on, and I was just trained to, like, look at a rack and be like, no yellow for me, Nope. Can't wear yellow. Doesn't work. What

Koya Nyangi 23:45

you were told. And again, how do you So, when you saw a yellow, did you approach it for like, Yeah, I kind of look at it that is not my color. Like, did

Andrea Enright 23:53

you Yeah? Because I liked I was drawn to it, but I knew that when if I put it on, then it would wash me out. Same with gray, you know, I'm just like, when I go gray, it's never gonna work for me. You know, some people like go gray and they look amazing, and I'm like, Oh, wow, gray is one of your colors. Gray is not one of my colors. Never gonna work. I'm gonna have to figure that out. So I think these are just the rules that you're talking about. But that's when I was obeying other people, right? I was listening outside to what other people were saying, and I would say, now I'm more listening to what I love and what's inside me, and it's like, if it feels good, then I wear it exactly.

Koya Nyangi 24:31

And even close friends can also be people who deter us from trying something out, because they're like, I don't know, like, that's just never has been your color. And you're like, Oh my God, never, oh shit, fuck. It comes from, like, publications and whatever. But it also could come really close by. But also, you could also tell yourself that, like, it's like a and some could be real. Some are not real. I have no. Idea, it's just you have to be the one who decides that, for you, you have to be the one who are like, actually, I've tried this yellow in different, multiple types of yellows that they could be. And I just want to come to, I've come to the conclusion that it is very true. Yeah,

Andrea Enright 25:16

I have more here. So what has happened is that I've noticed so Janelle has a had a delivery service for a while where she got, like, new dresses and new outfits every month, newly, get them, newly, yes, little plug for nuuly, and she would get them, and I would think, Oh, that's a really cool dress. And in my head, I would think, but it's not really your color. Like I thought that many times, I'm just like, why are you wearing that color? Like, that's not your color. This is just me imposing my rules, yes, and my opinion, and I don't always say it, but, but then, remember, then Janelle, you wearing something red? You know, you have that red, like, really fringy coat. And I'm just like, Oh, my God, you look amazing. And you're like, Yeah, I know, like, Red's my color. I don't know where I don't know where I don't wear it more often. But I think what I'm gathering from this is that you feel good in the dresses you're wearing, and that shows up in your presence and your personality, yes, and so who gives a fuck, right? Yeah. Janelle, you said, Yeah, respond to that?

Janelle Orion 26:21

Well, it's funny because I have a dress in my closet that I don't wear. I've only worn it once, and actually someone told me didn't look great on me, and so I haven't worn it until I went to Coya was nominated as a civic leader in Denver recently, and it was on the solstice, and this dress is, like, bright, bright yellow, ironically, as we're talking about yellow, and head to toe, right, like, one shoulder linen dress. And I was like, this is Coya I am going like, I love that. I love this dress, even if someone else told me it wasn't super flattering, and it's Solstice, like I am the sun. I am the cosmic sun, so I am going to wear this dress in honoring her, as she's being honored. So I there's so many reasons why I chose to wear that dress that night. And yeah, it may not be my best color, but, like, it would have none of that would have been relayed if I was just wearing red, because red looks good

Janelle Orion 27:22

on me. That is very fascinating. I think it's fascinating to reasons a when I saw her, I was like, Oh, my God, you look so beautiful. Like I was just like, Ah, I love it so much. It had such a presence. It was, I mean, I loved it. But then it's also interesting to hear the very many reasons that you had to go about to justify this color on you. In your head, that's interesting. But we, despite all of it, you came out on the other side, because all those reasons, you could have been like, you know, this reason is a real man, and so I'm not doing it so. And you were like, fuck it. I'm doing it. And that's really, is what is showing up, that that really, that is now the pinnacle of actually arriving. It is despite every single thing. It is how you felt inside and how you wanted to show up, and how you what you want to be, and how the story that you wanted to tell and how you wanted to display yourself that day. That if there's anything that your brave hearts need to get out of this, if it's one nugget, it is a at the end of the day, it boils down to you. Doesn't boil down to anybody else, boils down to you. And that is arriving at getting to know who you are and using clothes to tell the story of who you are, regardless of whatever.

Janelle Orion 29:00

Yeah, what I love there's two things. One is that any Braveheart listening, I 100% know all of you own clothes, right? We all own clothes. So this is a very accessible journey to be curious about, right? That everyone can go into their closet and say, Oh, are there clothes in here that, like, feel more like me versus others, right? And Andrew, I remember we at my birthday party last year, right, where I invited people to wear their souls expression of clothing, and there was your partner was like, Oh, I don't really have that. I just wear. He just wears, like, black T shirts and jeans all the time. And I was like, That is his soul's expression. Like he feels so himself. He looks so great. I was like, that's what he should wear, because he's already done the work to know that that was, that was a very intentional choice on his part. He

Andrea Enright 29:59

just wore. That right? Because that's him, right? That embodies him, and that's his whole expression,

Janelle Orion 30:05

yes, so this isn't, how about wearing these amazing earrings like Koya has on, or this ring? It's like, no, what feels like the truest version. And very strongly, I want people to hear this is like the theme of the podcast, obviously, permission to be human is we give people permission. Is that Koya gave me I'm already living out loud with my clothes, and Koya gay still gave me more permission. It was because she was there that I was like, I'm gonna be even bolder. I want bravehearts listening to just like, recognize. This is an invitation from us, as always, to be a little bit bolder, but sometimes you need to hear someone else say it first. That's all the permission you need, not about what it is that you're wearing, but just to know that you can choose what it is you want to wear.

Koya Nyangi 30:51

And I think two things, honestly, first of all, the mission of let me show you different, like our tagline, is, be bold, be brave, be different and to be bold, to be braver, to be different takes courage, takes vulnerability, takes curiosity, to do all of that. But there's one thing I feel like we're not doing more of. And I have said this multiple times, and I'm going to keep saying it until we keep doing it. When we think about when we were younger and we were playing dress up, dress up is the most important thing ever, because when you play dress up, you are forming a relationship with your clothes. I have a serious relationship clothes, but I I'm not sure how people are relating with their clothes. Like, you hang them, you put them, and then the next time you're just going to come and get them, it's like, when you're dressing over there, then you pick something, and you go, like, I actually, like, sit down with my clothes and have a full blown conversation. Like, I'm over there, like, on a Sunday, I'm just like, dressing up. Oh, I feel like that, and that could go together, and then I just put it on and I walk I'm like, oh my god, am I waking up outfits like I have fun with clothes a lot, and I would love for us to play dress up again. I think you get to see your clothes in a very new context, because you're not you're not really going anywhere, so you don't have the rush of time, or you're not trying to, you're not planning for an event. You're not planning to. You're just like, loose and you're just like, having a good time. And you are in communion with your clothes, and you get to see them. You get to see you. Because the idea is, and I'm a lover of sustainability, meaning I love when clothes are worn for like, the longest time ever. I really enjoy that. Like i i have clothes that I have worn, like, 20 years from now, but I still have them and I remix them up, and that's the joy of where styling is.

Andrea Enright 33:08

So I'd like to translate one thing you said into what I've experienced. Is that most of my life, I was thinking, Oh, what's appropriate for this event in my head, not in my body. What should I wear today based on where I'm going, based on who I'm going to be with? And I remember someone saying once, oh, I just felt like wearing this dress today. And I was like, does not compute. I'm like, What do you mean? Like, I didn't even know what she was talking about. I was like, Oh, so you like, feel like wearing something today, and that's what you wear. So this was just a dramatic shift for me, and since then, I've been trying to embrace that. And then my head also gets in the way sometimes still. So, I mean, I just want to recognize that that's, you know, playing dress up could lead to that, but I think you do have to do that, because for me, the context is always getting in the way. Like is, what's the right thing for the weather, for the occasion, for the people. And then I want to ask you, when you said that a piece of clothing has a long life, are you talking about? Well, can you just say more about that.

Koya Nyangi 34:22

When I say that I'm constantly meeting people who are like, Oh, I'm going to a wedding, so I need to buy a new dress. I'm going for vacations. I need to buy new clothes. I work in fashion. I will tell you that I have not bought new clothes in like, two years from where I come from, that's like, Oh, my God. When I'm buying clothes every single day, I'm like, I'm not buying clothes every single day. I'm not like, that's just a lie. I'm not. You know what I'm buying? I'm probably buying jewelry. That's what I'm buying, because jewelry makes your clothes look new every single time there is a trick. But the idea when you play dress up is you. Who? And this is now going back to the whole longevity thing. The way you you're operating, you're like, what's good for the weather worth what for the place that I'm wearing for appropriateness, or blah, blah, blah, like, all those like requirements for us to dress up. And I also am in the category for like, this is how I walk into my closet every single day. Who do I want to be today? Genuinely, every single time it's like, Who do I want to be today? Like, I'm constantly having fun with who, who? Like, there's no limitation. I'm like, do I want? Who do I What kind of a bad bitch do I want I might try to be every single day, and what are the clothes are gonna make me feel that way? Sometimes I'm like, I feel like a bit dark, and I'm like, Well, what kind of dark are we feeling choir? I would feel like a dark with a sprinkle of a sunshine, but like a feeling of like an intestine and a sexy coming up. Like I am using the words. The words is what you want to use when you're trying to figure out, what is the feeling right now in this morning, as I'm waking up, as the weather is probably Sunday, and it's like, what is the feeling as I'm going to that event? Like, who do I want to be when I go to this event? There's such joy. And then you become, you go into this exploration, but going back again to the longevity of the clothes, it is remove the context in which you had given them before even there were this is a wedding dress, and when you look at it, you're just seeing them in wedding eyes. So how do you earn wedding this piece of clothing that you have decided is a wedding dress or is a bunny dress? Does that kind of make sense?

Janelle Orion 37:00

Yeah. So if you have a dress that you wore at a wedding, it was your you were like, you know, this is your favorite dress that you wore last season, right? To everything, but then you're like, Oh, I can't wear it to the bar tonight, because I wore it to a wedding, right? And so it's like, you've, like, limited its use by categorizing it and putting it into a box.

Koya Nyangi 37:20

Yes, yes, yes. That's exactly what I Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Andrea Enright 37:27

It's, there's a ceiling on it, yeah? So it's just like, oh no. It can only be for this event. Yes. And so, would you suggest some kind of a ritual to, like, cleanse the clothing of their past identity?

Koya Nyangi 37:40

It's the playing the dress up. When you play dress up, because your mind is not now in the space of, oh, we're going somewhere. So we are looking for a thing. So you're not really looking for a thing. You're just in your relaxed state having a glass of wine or a joint or whatever, and you're having a great time. And you just like, first of all, you are looking at your body, and you're loving it, and you're falling in love with yourself. Then you're picking up the pieces, and you're like, Okay, let me try this cat. Or, okay, let me try this dress on. Oh, let me try that dress that I wore to the wedding, and this interesting shoes, or, like, this pants. And what if I tack and introduce jeans to this dress? Oh, my God. What if I put that really big piece of jewelry that I've been scared of that has been sitting there for like, five years? What if I just wear it right now? You're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. You're just trying stuff in the house. You're not really going anywhere. But what it does, it starts breaking down the way you're looking at clothes, and then next day, when you're about to go somewhere, then you'll feel freer to try it on like that and remove the limitations that you had given it. I use

Janelle Orion 38:53

it. I feel like what she just described was neuroplasticity for clothing, clothing, like we're rewiring our brains for our clothing.

Andrea Enright 39:04

This is true. This really is true. And like, I can see how it works, and I want to just relate to Bravehearts, even though I think this all relates to building a relationship with yourself, but I think what I'm hearing is that you are continually building and working on that relationship with yourself as you reimagine the new clothes, you reimagine your identity,

Koya Nyangi 39:27

yes, let's go back to what are we trying to get to having getting to know yourself, right? Getting to know yourself is you're constantly changing, right? Our bodies are changing. Who we are is changing. So then the first person you want to have a relationship with is you and your body. Like if we remove these clothes, we are now very naked. We came into this world naked. I don't think we spend a lot of time really staring at ourselves in our bodies naked, and really thanking our. Bodies, and seeing every single thing that's happening to it, and be like, Okay, this is where we are right now. This is the number of ages that we have. First of all, congratulations, because you're still alive. That's incredible. And I think it needs to be noted. Okay, now after this, how are we adorning this body? What did I say? I don't like okay, why do I not like that again? You know, like you've got, you have to question the things that you are saying no to.

Andrea Enright 40:31

Are there any rules? There are no rules.

Koya Nyangi 40:37

Let me tell you how I grew up so you can give context when it came to clothing. And I like tell people all the beautiful clothes that you take to Goodwill end up in landfills in different parts of Africa. And we also get to shop them. Okay? So we are shopping the second hand that's coming from the different western states. So that means I grew up for like the longest time, never really shopping like new pieces and new items. And so it would be this, think of like a stadium, maybe like three stadiums, and then it's like nothing, but like filled with, like clothes, and they're like different, like vendors in there. It's like, kills. It's like a market kills. I grew up like that, meaning I went from one person who was like, I was just like, digging clothes and finding pieces, I'm like, oh my god, this is so great. What is it gonna be? I don't know. I'm gonna go figure out what it is there was permission, like, because we didn't have this is what you're wearing. This is what people are wearing. These are what the celebrities are saying that it's on trend. This is what's looking cool right now. This is like, like, that voice was never in my head of this is how you need to show up. No, never, never. So what that does when you don't have someone telling you how to show up every single day, then you show up however you want to show up, because you in your brain, you don't realize that, oh, there's a way we're supposed to be showing up. You just, you just show up. And that might look like such a trivial thing, but having lived in different parts of come to recognize that that was actually a blessing for me to not have rules ever, like, I like, there was no cults color code. Like, these are the colors that we can only combine. I mean, do you see how many colors that I have combined right now? Yeah? Like, I think the rule book would be like, Absolutely not. Like, we let you couldn't, yeah, but

Andrea Enright 42:57

what if we paid attention to the joy that is clearly in your aura,

Koya Nyangi 43:02

it's like, all of a sudden we're just wearing neutrals. I'm like, why? What if I want to wear color? Like, why are you taking away color and just giving me neutrals? Like, why? But then these are the things that we get to be told every single time, no, in the neutrals, no, it is pink. No, it is why.

Andrea Enright 43:22

Okay, okay, this is like, I feel so much great.

Koya Nyangi 43:29

You guys want what's going

Janelle Orion 43:31

on, not so much a loop, but it is. But that the concept of what you just said, though, is that you've lived all around the world knowing that every culture does have these rules or limitations, right, or suggestions or trends about clothing, because it is an industry that is designed to sell, sell, sell. And the lesson that I'm hearing is, if you took away all of the rules, then everything in your closet can be mixed and matched to to match whatever energy you're feeling in that moment, which means all of your clothes last longer, and that everything represents you. And it in every in every moment, but it requires deep D or unconditioning, which Andrew and I speak to all the time like this is the basis of the permission to be human podcast is how much we have to to be a brave heart. We have to be willing to forego the conditioning we've received in so many different areas, which takes courage. So I'm curious when you start working with clients as a stylist. What happens when they start knowing themselves? I mean, are they? I mean, I don't know that they're all like me who already has a strong relationship with clothes. Do you work with people who don't?

Koya Nyangi 44:54

Oh, my God yes, all the bloody time. And I'll give an A. Example for a guy, like, I mean, just the day one, it was obvious there was no style. But I don't dress style. I dress essence.

Andrea Enright 45:09

I'm trying to find you, okay, I see style is,

Koya Nyangi 45:14

you're just like, put clothes on me and make me look like I'm dope. Essence is, who really are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? At the core of it, who are you? Then we pull that out, because sometimes it's buried in there. Sometimes people kind of like, know it, but then they just like, really, they don't know how to bring it forth, or you know who you are, but now that version is a very dated version, like we now, we need to bring you now and give that soul some life, because it feels like it's been inside, stuck in a rod somewhere, and it is dying and it needs just like a resuscitation. And was walking with a client. He was a guy. He was just like, he was just like, not wear, like, normal stuff or whatever, and but at the core is there. They're like a hippie. They're just a for real hippie. I just like, you know, like, that's who they are. So then all the clothing inside and interesting. They also loved color a lot, but they had not one color. And I was like, That's very interesting. Oh my god. But like, they would like, oh my god, this color is incredible. Would you wear? I don't know if I can fuck around it like, I don't think you think it kind of like, yes, you can. So then we now start finding now, I mean, first of all, I look inside your closet, then I find the piece that I feel like is the piece that really says that this is who you are, then I'm gonna put that piece on you, and you're probably gonna be like, Oh my god, 100% No, I used to love it. I don't think that's me anymore. And I'm just like, Okay, let's just find out fast before we decide that it's not we need to find out. So then I put it on and then now the styling is where it's now. This is the essence, and how do I style it in a way that feels now very true to you, in a way that you had not yet seen it, that it can be done like this. So then I'm like, okay, they're a tall, skinny guy. I want to put, like, nice straight feet jeans on them with just, like, some shoes that they just have never worn, but they're like, I don't know, but then they're like, but it kind of looks cool. I'm like, Okay, that's good. And then you put them in this, like, really beautiful top that they never thought they would wear it, and then all sudden, they're like, oh my god, wow. I really love this. And I'm like, good. Did I introduce you to start seeing pieces that you might not see as that style of yours, because you've never deconstructed it, but because my job is basically to deconstruct everything, I will deconstruct it for you, and then you wear it and you're like, wow, I didn't even think that that that this knit could also fall into my category. And I'm like, Yeah, but it's, it's all of that. It's first we need to find who you are, then find the pieces that fit who you are. Then introduce you to pieces that you don't look at as pieces that you might like, but pieces to enhance who you are. I mean, like

Janelle Orion 48:44

there is so much that you just said that I have not thought about is, again, using clothing as the modality or as the medium to discover who one is. And again, so accessible to everyone, right? I'm just envisioning myself as if you were in my closet. Oh, and what, like, what would we discover together? Like? I mean, it's back to kind of the dress up, just like playing dress up that you spoke to, right? But only now is through the lens of someone

Janelle Orion 49:20

who can see my soul and I see people's souls, right? I don't do it through clothing, though, so, but I know exactly what you're saying. And I'm like, pulling out, right? And Andrew does the same thing as a permission coach, like, pulls out what people are saying in their words. And she's like, Oh, but I think maybe this is what i You're mean to say. And so for you, you're like, Oh, I see you're pulling you out and using clothing as the way to do it. Yes,

Andrea Enright 49:46

yeah, I'm already thinking about, like, these things in my closet that I'm just like, so clearly, no, this is so clearly not me. Like, I took that because I'm like, Well, you know, some justification. And not most of them, but I also see the arc of as I've done that over time, I've pulled what's most important to me out of me right, just as you do for clients. And as that arc has happened, I have built a bigger and better and bolder relationship with myself. Yeah,

Koya Nyangi 50:24

and I'll give an example, when we were at the jewelry piece and there's a woman, was like, I don't wear jewelry at all. Like, I don't I mean, it's very interesting when you're in I mean, I get all kinds of people and they come to me like, this is beautiful, but I don't wear any jewelry at all. I was like, okay, okay, cool, but you play dress up. And they're like, Sure, no problem. I'm like, you have to change your life. You have no idea. Why don't you wear jewelry? Like, I don't know. I've never found something that fits me. Like all of them, they just like, look funny. I'm like, Oh, you do wear jewelry. You just haven't found the jewelry for you. Those are two different things. There is a point like, I don't wear jewelry. Don't even try me. I don't like my ear. Oh, my, I haven't even pierced my like that. That's a person who's not wearing but if you come closer to my jewelry, I know you do a jewelry I do. And so now I have to walk you. I'm like, Okay, if, like, what kind of jewelry would you did you wear before you know? And then they would explain. I'd be like, Okay, so now I'm trying to understand where, like, how far they've gone with jewelry. And I know now we are playing in this realm of, like, dainty. They are not this is too much for them. I would not start them off with this long earrings that I'm wearing right now. I would now, okay, so okay, I'm thinking dainty. I'm not really also gonna push you too hard in terms of, like, a small piece of jewelry that has, like, an intricacy with it. I won't even push you there. I just want to baby step you. I'm just gonna be like, well, let's just play. I'm gonna give three different options, and I'm gonna have a mirror, because I think it's already front of a mirror. And then I'm like, Okay, how do you feel with this one? They're like, Okay, I don't know. I like when it's like, not very round, but this one kind of makes me happy. Okay, we are going somewhere, and then what about this Ooh? Then you start hearing the Ooh. I think so. I'm not sure, but maybe that. I'm like, Okay, we're getting somewhere, because now the wheels in your brain are turning because I'm like, You, I just want us to have fun and try on. And by the time we were done, she had bought four pairs of earrings, and she was like, I've never found really good, amazing jewelry. And I feel like this one's will not really get in my way. I can wear them every single day. They can go with my outfits. And I just really love, like the length and see so now we identify the problem that she was already having. And it's not that you don't want to wear or you just have not found the piece for you to wear to start you on this journey of, let's say, if it's earrings,

Janelle Orion 53:27

so coy, if someone who's listening right now is just curious about what it is, whether it's they're curious about their own closets, curious about playing dress up. What would you suggest as a Braveheart homework as something that they could do right now,

Koya Nyangi 53:45

you should go into your closet, open it and really ask yourself, if this clothes are representing who I am, like, really, really, really, really, really, like, if you open it and you feel such joy, are they the clothes that I want to wear, and if the answer is yes, then that's really good. So then you want to wear, I will challenge you to wear your clothes differently, like, don't when you're like. I want to pair it with this. I want you to not pair it with that and find something new to pair it with that is very unexpected that you, like you would never go this route, but I kind of want you to go that route. Yes. If you your answer is no, then I think we need to figure out why. And now you really need to sit down in your closet and be like, is it because they are not a representation of me, or is it just a bed? Just this clothes look boring. Because if they look boring, that means you really need to play dress up. You really need to take a Sunday or a Friday or, I don't know, and just like wear this clothes again with something that doesn't. Even feel like it would go together, but just try it on, because the idea is you're trying to infuse in some energy.

Andrea Enright 55:08

Do people already know who they are when they come to you? Or do you help them figure out who they are?

Koya Nyangi 55:15

Oh, no, we do a whole journey of trying to figure out who you are. Yeah,

Janelle Orion 55:21

yeah. And you work with it sounds like men and women. I

Koya Nyangi 55:26

work with every human being who can be able to wear clothes.

Janelle Orion 55:33

Most people amazing. And then I also you style what it sounds like. You style everyone based on what they have, but you have a specialty of that you do import African designers. It's not like you only sell people in African designer clothing, right? So, but speak to the African designer piece of it, please.

Koya Nyangi 55:53

So aside from doing styling, I let me show you different we walk with different African designers raised across the continent, and we give them a retail channel into the US market. So when you are out there shopping, you can be able to walk into a store and find this fabulous pieces made with such good care and such love, but also very, very stylish that can fit into your closet, so if it's a beautiful skirt, and I think there's also the idea of, I don't know if this is just me, but I think from research, most people think, because I'm seeing African designers, that all of them are like, It's like African print, which is not actually the truth. I couldn't be farther from that. They just happen to be designers who are based in Africa, who have a different approach to styling. I mean, they work in denim, they work in different kinds of materials. They all create something different. So there's always something for someone, depending on what your style really is, beautiful.

Janelle Orion 57:04

And so if someone wanted to get a hold of you or wanted to learn more about African creations that you import, what do you have coming up? We

Koya Nyangi 57:13

actually the we on the eighth July. I was like, which month are we in? July? 23 at the Four Seasons at 530 we're going to be showcasing one of the brands that I love, which was the one Janelle that was seeing. They have a new collection out. So we're going to be showcasing the collection out at Four Seasons at 530 to seven. And when you come to this there's a festival happening in September, you'll get to learn more about the festival. But I think the best way to get in touch with me is through our Instagram. Let me show you different and all socials and get on our newsletter. We always talk about amazing things on style and just discovering yourself and freeing yourself to wear this items that I like to say are just clothes, like nothing. It's just clothes. You can take them off. It's just it is not it's not a big deal. It's just clothes. If it doesn't work, remove it. Try it again. Don't be too hard on yourself. Have

Andrea Enright 58:19

fun. Thank you. Koya, thank

Koya Nyangi 58:23

you is so much. Thank

Janelle Orion 58:26

you for being Yeah, just this burst of joy and to stand for permission and for courage, and for each of us finding our own essence. You embody it so beautifully, and it's a pleasure to talk to you

Janelle Orion 58:43

today. It was an absolute pleasure to be part of the podcast. Thank you guys. You guys are rocking it, so I'm glad to be a guest here, and this is, like my favorite conversation, so I'm glad we like winded it down. Yeah.

Andrea Enright 58:58

Thank you, and thank you bravehearts for listening. You got your homework. Can't wait to see what happens with your style. We'll see you next time.

Janelle Orion 59:12

Hey, brave hearts, looking for permission, work with us. Andrea offers permission coaching, and Janelle offers erotic wellness sessions. Follow us on Instagram, meet us in real life at permission to be human workshops in Denver. Subscribe to our newsletter. Do all this and more at our website, permission to be human. Dot live you.