Ep 98: Part 11/12, Holy No, Sacred Yes: Rewriting Your Inner Narrative with Sophie Howell: How to Build a Relationship with Yourself Series

In this episode, spirit-crowned firestarter and language alchemist Sophie Howell drops in to dismantle the narratives that keep us playing small. If you’re done self-sabotaging to your own internal past trauma patterns, , Sophie breaks down the real talk on the damage that words can do, the idea that enthusiasm is your birthright and why its all up to you. Apparently, your your inner world is the most badass revolution you can lead. Sophie doesn’t just hand you insight—she dares you to change your life.

Get ready to burn the old script and write one that stops your existential kink in its tracks. You’ll hear:

-Why eliminating “not”, “can’t” and won’t” from your script changes your life

-The power of the FEMMifest vs. the MANifest

-How rupture isn’t failure, its the invitation for change

-When it comes to questions you ask, tone and energy matter

-You don’t need to hit rock bottom to wake the f*ck up.

-How you can be the muse and the maker of your reality

Learn more about Language of Empowerment and Spirit Crowns at SophieHowell.com.

TRANSCRIPT:

Janelle Orion 0:00

Janelle, struggling to discuss sex and intimacy with your partner, not feeling met, seen or heard in your relationships. I'm Janelle And I'm Andrea. We're two midlife Mavericks sharing our own experiences, messy, AF and no regrets with marriage, divorce, polyamory and pleasure. We've learned that when you're brave enough to figure out what you want and ask for it, with partners, friends, family and most importantly, yourself, you'll feel more alive and free question everything, especially your mother's advice. There's no rom com formula for this. But don't panic. Being alone matters, honey, I can't miss you if you don't leave, what if your breakup could be your breakthrough? Our podcast is for brave hearts. Anyone who seeks or has found the courage to confront their fears and limiting beliefs about breaking societal norms in the spirit of finding their truth. If you're seeking permission to be brave in your relationships and want to feel less alone along the way, we got you

Andrea Enright 1:07

Sophie. Howe, language of empowerment. I know it changed my life in a day. And on this episode, Sophie talks about how you can change your life by changing your language. I'm really blown away by the power of this. This is on the path to building a relationship with yourself, and it it is simpler than that. It is tuning into you and claiming yourself. His

Janelle Orion 1:36

Sophie speaks in all these pithy maxims, these phrases that just go right into your heart, that you're like, oh, I can remember that. And I too, in one session, I know like she does sometimes longer sessions, but in one session, found a root cause of my fears and how I was moving through the world, and I changed as a result of that awareness. Sophie is an incredible, incredible teacher and facilitator of this modality, and I agree. Andrea, I think anyone listening, there's people who are listening to this episode alone, without even working with her, who are gonna get something out of it. They're gonna learn something about themselves today. Yeah, and

Andrea Enright 2:28

Sophie has walked the walk. She has been on a very challenging journey. So here comes Sophie Howell. Up next. You

Andrea Enright 2:44

Andrea. Hello, bravehearts. Welcome to permission to be human. I'm Andrea, and I'm Janelle, and we are doing the next episode in our series about how to build a relationship with yourself. It's been just a wild ride, and I it's funny. I just re listened to some of our our old episodes yesterday, and I'm like, it's like, it's like, learning it all over again, like, it's hard to learn while we're talking. And I'm like, wow, oh, there's so much stuff in there. So I'm really excited to dive in today and talk to Sophie, Howell and Janelle tell tell us how you know Sophie, and then why don't you introduce her?

Janelle Orion 3:25

Yes, Sophie is one of my dearest friends. She is the I call her the fairy godmother of creation because and someone else called her like she's basically a walking festival of creativity. Like there's literally nothing she cannot create in any medium, in any form, in any idea, like it's just there, right? And so she has been instrumental in my life in many ways for many years, but especially with the goddess temple and the church of witness sisterhood. So it is such an honor and privilege to be interviewing her today. She's also, as you'll hear, the creator of the Spirit crowns. And so if you're watching on YouTube, you can see her wearing one right now. Yeah,

Andrea Enright 4:08

and I just want to give examples, like, there's spirit crowns, there's mosaics, there's massive murals, there's, I don't even know, all the rest, like

Janelle Orion 4:17

there's like, sculpture, Goddess sculptures, right?

Andrea Enright 4:21

There's wedding planning. I can turn that door into a moss covered piece of art, sure. No problem. Let's do that. So, yeah, beautiful. All right,

Janelle Orion 4:32

and she also creates fairy themed weddings. So okay, Sophie's mission in life is to awaken magic and authenticity in everyone she meets, she does that through a language of empowerment, coaching along with bodywork, breath work and sound healing. Sophie has facilitated over 20 retreats, led dozens of workshops at Burning Man, and has oodles of experience running teams and bringing immersive large scale experiences. Of life. She is currently getting her PhD in transformational coaching. Is a graduate of mama Gina School of Emily arts Mastery program, and has certifications in somatics, shamanism, ceremony, quantum healing and so many other juicy concepts. While her favorite role is mom, she is an artist and all that she does. And Sophie is also co founder of Everland witness sisterhood, the goddess temple, and founder of spirit

Janelle Orion 5:27

grounds. Thanks for coming on, Sophie.

Sophie Howell 5:34

I'm really so honored to be here. I love I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed with you. It's just it's really fun to be here, and all that you're both creating in the world and and just opening conversations that are, you know, kind of scary for some people, and this podcast is just really gives so much permission.

Andrea Enright 5:53

First, I think I want to know about the language of empowerment, and how does that help us build a relationship with ourself?

Sophie Howell 6:02

I love this modality. It is so laser, so cool, and really gets straight to the heart. And one of the main basis of the modality, language of empowerment, is that our divine birthright is enthusiasm, that we are meant to live in a high level of love. Enthusiasm comes from the word entheos, which means with God, with love, with light, with truth. So anything that we are living at less than that, we are in some kind of separation, believing some kind of lie I've told ourselves, some kind of a story. And, for example, our bodies are meant to live at a high level of enthusiasm when you're in stress, when you're in, I'm not enough when you're in. Oh my god, what am I going to do, or panic, or any of that? You're actually you're you're aging faster. You're essentially poisoning your body with different stress chemicals in order to, for example, you know, keep yourself awake if you were in like a cave, and there might be a danger. And now we create those dangers all the time just in our mind, because the mind can't differentiate between what's actually real and what's happening or what what we're telling ourselves is real.

Andrea Enright 7:21

So what you just described that is the language of empowerment, is that you described it as a modality.

Sophie Howell 7:27

Yeah, it's a modality. So there's, there's a couple different steps to the modality, I guess I would say it's basically a method of transformation, and with the basis being that we live in enthusiasm. And so I can look at my language and see where I'm living in separation or where I'm living in Unity by how I'm speaking, my tonal frequencies, my the phrases I'm using, and how I'm inviting resistance into my life

Janelle Orion 7:56

through language. Like our language is what's inviting the resistance in

Sophie Howell 8:00

Yeah. Okay, so every self sabotaging program or pattern has the word not in it, every single one. So when I identify those and trace them back to where I'm at, I can reverse that, upgrade my subconscious, and then move from a place of enthusiasm and love in my life.

Andrea Enright 8:20

You made it sound very simple,

Janelle Orion 8:23

but, and I feel maybe an example would be good here, and I'll use my example, because I did do a session with Sophie in the language of empowerment. And this like the root of it, like we like drilled onto many things, but the root of it was, I had this feeling of, I can't do something. And she's like, Oh, what's this can't about? And then, like, we went through my memory, and so, like, Where was the first time I said I can't and so if, like, correct me, if I'm getting this wrong, and we came to, oh, I can't breathe. I was two years old having an asthma attack. My very first one. I was in my parents bed, and that's what I was saying. But I don't have asthma anymore, right? But that coding of I can't breathe was still inside of me, and so then Sophie helps me, like, essentially, I can mostly unlock that phrasing. And so now I do this all the time. I walk around. I'm like, I can breathe. I can breathe. I can breathe. And it changes. It just changed

Sophie Howell 9:26

me. And for you specifically, I give me permission to live my inspired life, because the breathing, uh huh, I can live my inspired life. You know, to take it even further from from the breathing to then, okay, what's happening on the inner is happening on the outer. And I love it's easy for me to live my inspired life. It's easy for me to breathe my inspired life. With every breath, my inspired life is becoming greater and greater things like that. And so, yeah, it's, it sounds like it's a really mental modality, but it's really all about going in to a memory, feeling. It, and finding the return in the and what claiming what you are instead of what you are not.

Andrea Enright 10:08

I also have had time with Sophie, which was amazing and felt like six therapy sessions in an hour and a half. And was it was really massive to get the message. I knew that I was saying to myself the narrative. And I will say that, like trying to reverse that narrative is pretty fucking challenging. So like knowing it like, Oh, this is what I've been telling myself. So do you help people with both of those journeys?

Sophie Howell 10:45

Yeah, so I would say it's different from just positive psychology or faking it until you make it, because we go in and feel the memory where your your system agreed with it. So for example, Janelle made an agreement with I can't, just as a two year old from having, what about, and it may have been passed down from something from her mom, or who, you know, who knows, or some, something in her environment signaled for her to, instead of to move away from oneness. And, you know, I am infinite love and peace and joy and inspiration, all those things to I can't breathe, I can't live my inspired life. And so when we go into that memory, we take a look at the emotions that are happening. And the only bad emotion is the stuck emotion. And the emotions get stuck when you have hate, shame, blame or guilt around having that emotion. And so Janelle felt I can't breathe. And she also likely felt I hate this, and I hate that I'm having these big emotions that are making my parents uncomfortable and making you know, so then, so then that is how it gets stuck in her system, until decades later in life, she's unraveling it. So it's kind of like that's the resistance, and it's that's all from making something right or wrong, you know, it then gets you in a hate, shame, blame, guilt and sort of a victim spiral, and you end up in a reactionary version of life. So instead of just saying decrees and affirmations again and again and again and again, we're really going in and almost doing psychic surgery to see what's actually in there. Really feeling like when I say I can't or I'm not. Enough feelings are the gateways to memories. So when I really feel what I feel when I say I can't breathe or I can't, I can't, and I feel into a memory will surface, and then we go into that memory and we make it okay, because that's the charge on the right and wrongness of that emotion there and the right and the hate, shame, blame or guilt that you have around having that emotion is what is keeping that pattern in your vibration. And so when you change it on the inner, you see the change on the outer.

Andrea Enright 13:06

Okay, I love the psychic surgery phrase. And gets really, really powerful. And I think you just described kind of the benefit of using the language of empowerment to build a relationship to yourself versus just staying on the surface with language, you know, that feels better or sounds better,

Sophie Howell 13:24

yeah? Like, if you're struggling to call an abundance or call in something that you desire, there's likely something in you, some kind of pattern, you know, Carl Young said, Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life, and you will call it fate, yeah. And so it's get curious around it. Go check it out. Stop having it be some big, scary thing, you know, understand that. Okay, great. I was I was human, and I had this thing come up, and it was scary, or it was big, or it was unfair. And what's so beautiful about language of impairment is it really is rooted in a lot of ownership. I am the creator of my life. There's a central locus of control that I have, and studies show that people that believe that they have a central Locus of Control, which is, essentially, I create my own reality. I'm responsible for everything that happens in my life, which is, you know, could be really big and scary for some people with what's happened. That means it also puts me in the driver's seat. Now I get to see what I've made and say, Wow, good job. You know, if I make a lot of compost, I can make a lot of flowers, even in really tough stuff. So for example, I was running a lot of victim programming for my whole first 28 years of life, I would say, and I had to keep creating situations to be a victim, you know, or else, what would who would it be without my victimhood? I was really set on negative intimacy. I was really set on attention when something is wrong, and continuing to speak into that pattern and run that pattern. And so then I. Up calling in situations where I get to be a victim, because that's what I understand my identity is.

Andrea Enright 15:05

Sophie, how does this relate to existential kink? Or does

Andrea Enright 15:11

it? Yeah,

Sophie Howell 15:12

it definitely does. Because existential kink is really admitting to yourself that you are calling in whatever you're calling in because you like it, because you're addicted to it, or because it's just part of your pattern. And once you bring it in and you love it and you kink it out, it neutralizes the charge, and it no longer has power over you. Now I'm turned on. Now I'm in my power. Now I'm aware that I love fighting with my partner. This is what I love to do. I love the rush I get. I love the arousal I get. I love the adrenaline I get, which is inaccurate for me, my

Sophie Howell 15:46

partners, yeah, just an example,

Sophie Howell 15:48

but, yeah, example, yeah. Then so that releases the charge, and you'll actually out kink. Your kink,

Andrea Enright 15:57

amazing. Okay, yeah, I'm just understanding a little bit more, you know, when

Janelle Orion 16:00

it comes to, you know, traumas, right? What it is is, you know, someone big, oh, I don't like to be, like, harmed or abused or whatever the word is, but there's also, and this is, like, hard to understand, there's a comfort in what we know, right? And so we surround ourselves in the comfort of what we know when that's actually not what we desire, but it's like having to, like, separate those things out. And so that's what I heard. Like you were comfortable in your victimhood, and then you're like, Oh, but I don't desire it anymore, even though I could see why I was drawing it in,

Sophie Howell 16:39

yeah, and what? What's actually when I say I I don't want to be uncomfortable, what's actually present is being uncomfortable. Like, if I say to you, like, say, we're at a restaurant and you're the server, ask me what I would like. What would you like for dinner? I don't want a hamburger. So ask me again. What would you like for dinner? I don't want a hamburger.

Andrea Enright 17:04

Ask me again, what would you like for dinner tonight? I

Sophie Howell 17:06

do not want a hamburger. So you're, you're probably gonna go back to the kitchen and be like, guys, I don't know, they just, she kept saying she doesn't want a hamburger, I don't know. Just, do you think she actually wants one? Should we just, should just go back there? Should we just bring her a hamburger? I mean, it's the only thing she's mentioned, it's, it's kind of like that, you know, or like, say, ask me where I'm going. Where are you Where are you going this weekend? Where are you going this weekend? Not Houston. Ask me again. Where are you going this weekend? I'm not going to Houston. Have I actually voiced to the universe what I choose? Am I living in what I'm not, or am I living in what I am? So there's kind of this invisible like, like bowl I imagine up in these angelic realms where you're you're putting your focus into the I am not or the I Am. Am I more in what I don't want or what I choose? Am I living in the language of separation or the language of unity. Am I claiming what I desire and focused on that, or am I more in the fear of what might cause me pain? Because I'm scared of pain, and so when really pain is the gateway to intuition,

Andrea Enright 18:13

one of the concepts we've talked about in the past is like is as we were conditioned as kids, is, you know, seek love and seek happiness and definitely don't get divorced, right? And so I think there was, you know, for a while, this message of, just like, well, you know, as long as I'm not getting divorced, like, it's okay, because that's the ultimate failure. Yeah,

Sophie Howell 18:35

absolutely, and that is what it will come out of nowhere, right? When really it's actually just awakening to us that we've been living in more fear than we have been living in loving our life. And that's totally okay, because now what we get to do is expand. I mean, that's why we have the negative mind, the don't touch that the our consciousness is ever evolving. And when we take a look at whatever your not statements are, whatever you have fear about when you take a look at it, it's either an opportunity to upgrade a self salvaging pattern or expand into more love every time, every single sentence out of someone's mouth is either I am love or I need love. Every statement and most of the issues on the problem are because people are living from a place of I am not instead of I Am, okay,

Janelle Orion 19:21

brave hearts, let's just take a breath into that statement right there. Yeah, that like, what Sophie is telling us is that with every sentence that we stay, no matter what we're saying, at the core of it, the essence we're either saying, I am love or I need love, and

Andrea Enright 19:40

is our safety? Are you saying that either of those are right or wrong, or good or bad, or that they just exist?

Sophie Howell 19:49

It really all comes from living in a paradigm of right and wrong. So when, when I'm right and you're wrong, or you're saying you're right and I'm wrong, you. There's separation, so most of that hate, blame, shame, guilt, victim spiral, you know, I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, narcissism, superiority, perpetrator, I'm wrong, I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Victim, depression, hopelessness, etc, strong, right and wrong leads to, you know, really big division. Yeah, really big separation on bigger scales. And when we get out of right and wrong and go into act living from a place of actions and results, there's no charge on it, right? Like, if I'm saying something and I'm angry and I'm right, I'm right, I'm right, versus saying, Okay, this happened. This is how I feel about it. This is how I can make a request for us to move forward. Or I can create a boundary and take care of myself in that way and understand that, instead of it's like they're wrong and you're in blame, or you feel guilty about something because I did something wrong, I can go, oh, big fucking oops, the great mantra, fucking oops. It's okay. It's actually totally, it's actually okay, okay, okay. And get out of right and wrong and into just it being exactly what you're saying. Great question. I love

Andrea Enright 21:13

that. I love this really getting into, like how, how you're managing it, and like, how it's applying to your body. So when you're working with clients, and this seems like a tool that helps them get to know themselves better and build that relationship.

Andrea Enright 21:29

What happens? Great

Sophie Howell 21:30

question. So every thought I have creates a chemical in my brain, and when I shift my thoughts and when I check in with my feelings and where those thought where those feelings are coming from, what's the root thought stem happening with them? I can change my entire reality. I have seen the most incredible miracles happen in relationship or in abundance or in I mean, just the most amazing synchronicities. Because when I stop sowing resistance into my path and start trusting and loving and being I'm now on the super fun, synchronistic co creative journey with source, and it is amazing. And I return to love that I'm the creator. I get to do this. I get to use my co creative gift. I get to live in joy, in my inspired life and fun and presence. But when I get down into the story of that perspective, because your body is my body is actually addicted to certain types of chemicals or stress levels or something, when I notice those, and when I have my clients notice those, it's like, oh, as soon as you notice it, I can make a change. So to name a thing is to have power over it. So that's one of the spiritual laws. So when I name oh, wow, I'm feeling like, I hate this, and it's actually okay for me to hate it. I get to hate it. That's fine. We're so scared to name these big feelings that we have and make it okay now I can I can relax, and I can see what there is for me to do about it that's actually sowing into more love instead of more. I'm right, I'm wrong, you're wrong, all that kind of thing,

Janelle Orion 23:13

beautiful. What's coming up for me is I remember when I was in my relationship, like one of the really big ahas was my partner had a boundary of not desiring to have sex with me, and so we didn't. And then I recognized that, oh, I had been like, fighting against his boundary, wanting his boundary to be different. Instead, when I then I got to the moment, I was like, Oh, and there's nothing wrong with his boundary. I'm just honoring his boundary and not honoring my own boundary. Like, what was my boundary? And my boundary is, oh, I wanted to be having sex with my primary partner, and so that wasn't available because it didn't meet his boundary. So suddenly it was like, oh, then it's just not here. It's just like, kind of like the anger, like there was all the things that were like, cubic acid resistance was simply like, Oh, you have a boundary. And I allowed myself to have a boundary, and then once I did that, I was like, Oh, our boundaries aren't aligned. Okay, we should change our relationship? Yeah,

Sophie Howell 24:22

you know, in that, I would imagine that you're making him wrong for it, and then you're feeling shame because it's out of alignment with your desire, or your desire for a specific, a different setting on your boundary. And so then you're stuck in the US, them, instead of the unity and the joy and the flow,

Janelle Orion 24:42

right? And being like, Oh, if I honor my own boundary. And then, in our case, we ended up getting divorced. Oh, and now we're in right relationship, right? We were in wrong relationship now. But I in my mind, there's so many stories going back in my mind, as Andrea said earlier, oh, I didn't. I felt like. Yeah, divorce is a failure. So I was like, I can't have that, which was keeping me in his resistance. Instead of being, oh, the right, right relationship for he and I to be in love is to actually not be married, and for each of us to be able to honor our own boundaries

Sophie Howell 25:14

and that it's okay, that's actually totally okay. I like, I'm the one applying story to this. I'm the one making it right or wrong, or having this big charge and this resistance that's keeping you stuck in whatever it is, instead of, oh, this is, this is my truth, and I get to name it, own it, and set myself free. Every

Janelle Orion 25:34

time set myself free,

Andrea Enright 25:37

it's a good one. Andrew, what do you got? What do you got? No, I'm so excited. Like, this is like, a great, a great segue into what else I wanted to talk about, because I, what I'm hearing is that one of the biggest obstacles for Janelle, for you, and I know, for me as well, and Janelle, I've talked about this million fucking times, like, Oh, it's this focus on the other. It's just like, and we would, as Bravehearts, have heard, like, I would listen to her leave a Vox for me, and then I would leave a Vox for her, and our reflections for each other would be like, Yes, I heard a lot about him, right? Like, all about him. What about you? No, I know how he feels. What about you? No, back to you

Sophie Howell 26:12

earlier in my 20s, I hated that my parents fought. I hated that they were an abusive relationship. Then you become what you hate. Here I am in my early 20s, and what I said, I would never be in an abusive relationship. A woman will actually leave an abusive relationship when the voices that when, when what she's hearing and the abuse is just a little bit turned up more volume than her own voices in her head. That's when, that's when it actually Cleaves and she leaves. So if you trace it back to any abuse in your life and how how I was talking to myself, or how you were talking to yourself in those moments during those times, it will match what you're actually saying in your inner dialog to yourself. So when we look at the other and continue to point blame and point blame, it's always a co creation. It's always a reflection of what you are experiencing on the inner isn't that cool? Yeah, yeah. So

Janelle Orion 27:05

what I'm hearing is, if you hear yourself blaming someone else for anything, yeah, then it's an invitation to go, Oh, what about me? What is it that I'm saying to myself that's either bringing this in, that's creating this. It's co creating this.

Andrea Enright 27:21

Yeah, it's so funny. Is this? I mean,

Andrea Enright 27:24

this is a whole other level of I wasn't even thinking about it that way, but that, of course, that's true. Usually when you're blaming you're like, wait a second, what's here for me? What am I doing wrong? Isn't

Sophie Howell 27:32

that amazing? So in the relationship with myself, I can look and go, Oh, okay, I'm making like, Okay, I'm making my husband wrong for these silly little things. But they really matter to me a lot. And then and then I go, Oh, wow, I am doing the same thing, or the same thing in reverse.

Andrea Enright 27:47

But the funny thing is, like, that's one big thing in itself, which is, I think an obstacle to make, to building a relationship with yourself is just focusing on the other right? Just like, no, no, it's his fault. But the funny thing is that the the messages I was just talking about that Janelle And I would leave for each other were not necessarily mostly accusatory of the other person they I mean, there was some of that, but in but it was also just projecting and anticipating and guessing what they were feeling. Because for some reason that was easier or more comfortable. I'm not sure whether you think Janelle than going and being like, and being like, Oh no, what do I want? Yeah, there.

Janelle Orion 28:25

I think ultimately there was, it feels like there's a cost. When we have a desire and we have to stand in the desire and express the desire. There is often a cost. There could be a rejection, yep, right? And so if you can go into this, there could be that where there's love, there's sacrifice, yes, right? And sometimes, then we might even get what we want. We might actually get our desire. Then sometimes getting the desire is uncomfortable,

Andrea Enright 28:49

because we're not used to having

Andrea Enright 28:50

it, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely,

Janelle Orion 28:53

yeah. So then we become afraid of losing it, right? Then we get it, but then, like, Okay, I really even have it. Is it okay for it to be this easy, for this fun, for this, right? Like, Oh, no. So then there's another

Sophie Howell 29:04

go by now without my being in the wanting, right, absolutely without. I mean, if my identity is all wrapped up and complaining about my partner, who am I going to be when that partner shifts? Because that's what I know. That's what's

Andrea Enright 29:15

comfortable, the struggle. I know the struggle. The struggle is where I, you know, sit,

Sophie Howell 29:21

yeah, can I share my, my chaos theory? Can I share this with you? It's really fun,

Andrea Enright 29:25

yeah? Sophie, what's your Chaos Theory?

Sophie Howell 29:27

Yeah, okay, great. So this is so it's so cool, so many things made so much sense when I understood this. So basically, when I complain, complain, complain, complain, complain about something, or anticipate, anticipate, worry, whatever. You know, it kind of goes up into one of those, like imaginary buckets. I was talking about, right? And eventually that bucket is going to tip out and there will be a rupture. So every single rupture, if you trace energetic signature of it back, you can trace how many times you sat at your job and secretly see hating it inside, how many times. You were, you know, calling your sister to complain about your baby daddy or whatever it was, you know. And then there will be either a natural cleaving, or those things gently separate, or there will be a big rupture, and you will look and see that it's actually kind of like existential kink, where you've actually called this in the whole time, and now you're getting it. And then what happens during a rupture chaos, right? You start asking big questions. You hit rock bottom, you whatever. And then it's like, foggy and murky. And instead of just like, you know, living through it, living through it, you know, just on on the algorithm, you are suddenly going, Whoa. What am I doing with my life? Why am I doing it? What is my value system? What kind of choices Am I making? So you ask big questions. And so that's really beautiful, because then in that little time window, you get to reset your algorithm for what you're calling in, what you're doing, what your intentions are, and you can make a big shift, right when

Janelle Orion 30:55

you say, when you're using the word algorithm there, could you just define that or explain it what you're saying? Yeah,

Sophie Howell 31:01

great question. This is not the Facebook algorithm. This is our path through life. So kind of like, you know, human design, or your astrology, or something like all these, basically, you're living your life, and you have a certain set of behaviors, and you're used to doing those behaviors, and you queue up those behaviors, so you're going to keep doing those same behaviors, like thinking about, you know, running around in your partner's head and what they might be thinking and what they might be doing and all that stuff. If you're used to doing that, you'll just keep doing that until there's a rupture and a chaos and a pattern disruptor that's going to have you go, whoa, wait. Okay, whoa, why would I think that what's going on with that?

Andrea Enright 31:40

This is actually just amazingly how all these things are all run together. Now, because this is in my own permission coaching, I'm coming down to frequently saying, What's your pattern? Interrupt? Like, what's going to be your pattern? Interrupt? You have to choose something, right? Something's going to shift. So

Sophie Howell 31:57

link to empowerment takes your power back. How's you realize you can do it in these micro moments instead of waiting for hitting rock bottom? Are the big it's it's taking so that you're putting your energy into a different pot, instead of the I am not, and it's not and it's wrong, and all that into the I love my life. I choose my life. I trust this. Things are working out for me.

Janelle Orion 32:20

Okay? My question is, do we have to have the big fracture rupture Pattern Interrupt in order to get to this point of the chaos? I'm thinking of a woman right now who I know, who it's clear from all of us around her that she's really in this, like, dark place, even though she pretends that she's not. And yet I was like, I don't think there's anything we can do until something really terrible happens in order to, like, break that pattern. But I think I heard you just say that that's not true, that you can, like, don't, you can, don't have to wait for the terrible thing to happen.

Andrea Enright 33:00

So I'm going to rephrase also, so like, so if you're trying to build a relationship with yourself and you know that that is the path to, you know to freedom, or at least you've been told that, then do you need to wait for that chaos or that rupture? Or can you solve it before that happens?

Sophie Howell 33:19

I can absolutely solve it before that happens, I can be taking a shower and having a realization. I mean, it depends how you want to define rupture. And for some people there, there, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life, and you will call it fate, right like or I can sit there and decide and make the choice in myself to go into the shadow or go into where I'm feeling pain, go into whatever feels like darkness, instead of making it wrong, say, okay, cool, there's a message for me. This is awesome, great. And allow that to come forward, because when I'm in no no denial, denial, denial, there's there's no fluidity of the energy or movement or really messages from the Divine. I would call it. There's no quantum connection that is going to give me an inspired step to take. I'm really in my little human perception self. I'm in the rat race. Instead of going up to an into observer and recognize that I can surrender whatever is feeling big for me and trust that the steps will come.

Andrea Enright 34:26

Bravehearts. What also is at play here is that human nature is not going to help you out in this situation, because the region beta paradox just something I talk about sometimes my coaching says that we're probably just gonna stay in the comfortable, Oh, it's okay. It's not great place, and we're actually going to recover better if something massive happens. So they say, like, you know, if you have a really big blow up with a partner, okay, well now I need, I need to leave, right? But if it just keeps. Going on, you're just like, well, it's not that bad. It's the same thing. If you break your ankle versus spraining your ankle. You sprain your ankle, you keep walking on it. It's fine. It'll be all right. You don't really take care of it. You break your ankle, you can't walk. You have to sit down. You have to heal it. So we're not on our own. It's our human tendency to just kind of keep going,

Sophie Howell 35:19

Yeah, Good is the enemy of great. You know what's lukewarm in your life? Check it out. You know, go, go ahead and have that heart, that conversation that's deep, deep within you that you haven't really been admitting to yourself. Speak up. Sooner you speak up, the sooner you I get to live my inspired life and and trust what is instead of what I'm kind of secretly judging. But it's also kind of fine and it's whatever, because it would be kind of uncomfortable and different to actually slow down and nurse my ankle when I can kind of make it work.

Janelle Orion 35:51

Well, what I'm hearing is we can only make that choice for ourselves, right? I can't look at my friend and be like, Oh, you're really miserable, even though you're telling me you're not. Everything about you was in this like, negative thing. And so I can think, oh, you should go see Sophie, right? Because unless it's coming from

Sophie Howell 36:12

within her, Well, you can also reflect her language to her. You can say, what I'm hearing is, I'm mostly hearing you complain about x, y, z. So I'm also hearing you say that you're happy. Can you explain how these things are, that you're feeling true joy, because it feels, from your language, that you're living in duality? Yeah, and duality is purgatory, is stuckness.

Andrea Enright 36:36

So we've talked a bit about the things that keep us from really claiming our life and building that relationship with ourselves. Are there other obstacles you see in your work Sophie, that really prevent someone from building that relationship with themselves?

Sophie Howell 36:55

Of that? Yeah, I would say being on so most of our American society is all about Do, do, do, do something, do something, do something. So then I can be successful, joyful, happy, blah, blah, blah, and then I can have the family, the kids, the car, the lake house, whatever. Okay, instead, slow down and be joy. I control my body chemistry. I can marinate on gratitude. I can be in receptivity. So instead of do be have, we're going to be joy, be love. And then, okay, now, now that I'm Joy, now that I'm love, what's the first thing that I did? And then go do that. You know, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. So take action. Walk like that person, that that woman that loves her successful business. Because if I keep looking for my business to be successful, when I do, do, do, and then it's out there. It's not living in me. So I'm separate from it, and I'm going to keep chasing it. So when I be joy or I be success, then I do whatever the impulse is, whatever I get from the Divine. And then I have my successful business, my divine partnership, whatever it is, okay.

Andrea Enright 38:06

So I just heard be do have instead of any other order, yeah.

Sophie Howell 38:12

So I would say, in in life, slow down and claim it and be it exude that energy, be that at that frequency and vibration, and then you will magically be led on this super fun, synchronistic journey of falling more in love

Janelle Orion 38:28

with your life. What? How is that different than fake it till you make it?

Sophie Howell 38:32

Because I'm actually shifting my my body chemistry inside me. I'm really feeling peace, I'm really feeling joy, and I'm walking in the faith and the trust versus trying to walk in faith

Janelle Orion 38:43

and trust. Changing. Our languaging is what changes the body chemistry. And when the body chemistry changes, that's how we're feeling something differently versus trying to feel something. Your frequency changes.

Andrea Enright 38:55

Okay, yeah, that's a that's helpful explanation. Slowing

Sophie Howell 38:58

down, watching your language so the number of knots someone says directly correlates to the amount of anger and resentment in their life and pain and disease in their body. So slowing down and catching your thoughts and instead of saying, what isn't like, I don't want a hamburger, saying what is I do desire cheese, cheesecake. The other

Andrea Enright 39:22

thing I'm hearing is that the obstacle to transformation is looking outside yourself for the answer, looking outside yourself for whatever it is. Because when you keep doing that, you don't get

Sophie Howell 39:37

it and what story you're telling about it, right? So if, if I keep looking at those other things, and the story I'm telling myself is that I can't have them, or I don't know what they are, or I can't trust them, versus I love trusting my world and my life is a blessing to me, then I'm I'm living being de. By the outer instead of listening inward and writing my own story and getting into my Creator self. I think it's like Janelle called me fairy godmother of creation earlier, which I really love. And I actually believe that all of us, or we are all creators like we are. When you're living in your I Am, you're in service, you're in your offering, you're in your gift, you're building things, you're having so much fun, you're creating in the world, instead of so much focus on what's not working, processing anxiety. What are they going to say? What are they going to think? It's like, I'm doing this, and I love doing that, and I care about it, and join me. There's this fun synergy and energy with that.

Janelle Orion 40:41

So what's coming up for me, brave hearts is, well, one, I just want to acknowledge that I think you could be listening to Sophie and be like, This sounds like a whole bunch of Woo, right? She's using a lot of words that I'm like, I'm not sure there's the quantum and there's divine and there's all these things. And I just want to, like, raise my hand and say that I have had this experience with Sophie, and it has been transformational. So I'm like, a testimonial to that, and I know Andrea is as well. But what I simply want to invite in is like, what I see is like, are you? Do you consider yourself a negative person? Do you consider like? And if you're not sure if you are, can you imagine someone in your life who you think they're a negative person, right? And that just in the negative being like, Oh, they're just like, they just always have a negative way about them, about speaking about, like, I have to do this. I don't want to do this. But, and that, to me, is just like, that's the sign of resistance, where this modality could potentially be really useful. If you hear yourself saying the nots, I can't, I won't, all the time, then that's an invitation to a pause and reflect. Yeah. I

Sophie Howell 41:59

mean, we our language creates our reality, shapes our experience, signals to the body, what your internal pharmacy, what kind of emotions to produce in the endocrine system, whether you're in fight or flight. And when I pause and notice what they are and instead reach for a different thought, I'm going to create a totally different reality, set of chemicals in my body, set of feelings, and then what I'm calling in and what I'm moving towards is going to be different, because I've changed my frequency, and we could wait for a big disruptor, or we can do it in these micro moments,

Andrea Enright 42:36

something I used to do and probably still do, but I'm more aware of doing now, is fighting for my own limitations, right? Oh, solution, no, that's not going to work because of data, right? And there's the not, right? No, I can't. No, I not. No, I can't. No, I not. And I'm wondering, as Janelle mentioned, the negativity versus the positivity, how does that play in when you have someone who's more anxious. Hypothetically speaking,

Sophie Howell 43:06

I would take a look at what questions this person is asking. How are we going to do that, but also the energy signature they're doing it with, and because you're going to get an answer that's on the same energetic signature. So I'm asking questions from a place of worry. I'm going to get a reason to worry about it. So I get what I'm asking for every time, or even asking, like, why am I so stupid? I'm gonna get more reasons why I'm stupid. Why am I such a fuck up? I'm gonna get some of the reasons why, more reasons to that I'm a fuck up to prove myself right every

Andrea Enright 43:38

time I love that. Yeah, tracing it back to the question, like, the format of the question is important, yeah, choosing

Sophie Howell 43:43

back to the question, like, what's really being asked here, and what's the worry? And is it a real worry? Is there a real danger, or is this something that I am concerned about? And I can actually talk myself down, talk myself off the cliff, and then go, okay, as a creator, what am I creating with this? And is this my highest choice?

Janelle Orion 44:04

What I did here was it's not just the format of the question, it's the energy at which the question is asked. There's something about like, oh, what's our next step? Or like, what's coming next. Versus like, well, what's coming next? I need to know what's coming next. Versus like, oh, okay, so like, is there another step that we need to be thinking about? Like, did I portray that

Andrea Enright 44:31

that makes sense, and it's a big ask for someone who's anxious, yeah, which is, you know, I'm sure it's hard work, but like, no that getting to that energy of a word and saying a question, in that energy versus the anxious energy is, you know, that's the goal of my life. I mean, when you're anxious, I'm in the anxiety until I am reassured, right? So that's a pretty significant challenge.

Sophie Howell 45:01

Ish, yeah, I'm hearing that that feels like a big leap. And I would say my own life coming from, I mean, I have come through addiction, depression, rape, extreme victimhood, insecurity, desiring to disappear, suicide, deep depression. I mean, quite, quite a list, and it takes just one moment at a time, really being present with what's present, and really taking hold of what's the story, where to come from, and believing in myself, that I can do this, that I can change, and the only one who can change is me. I recently heard a different version of the serenity prayer that I think is from, maybe from Al Anon. I choose him exactly, but it's God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the wisdom to change the one that I can, and the courage to know that it is me. I'm

Janelle Orion 46:01

just gonna name it is from ACA, adult children of

Andrea Enright 46:05

alcoholics. That's it. ACA is adult children of alcoholics.

Janelle Orion 46:09

Got it, and that's the prayer they do at the beginning of every meeting. I love that. So beautiful.

Sophie Howell 46:14

I just heard that this week for the first time. Amazing.

Janelle Orion 46:18

Sophie, do you have any

Andrea Enright 46:21

easily digestible and accessible Braveheart homework for our audience and on the road to building a relationship to themselves?

Sophie Howell 46:31

Yeah, I love this question. I would say number one is noticing where you're complaining and just keep your mouth shut. Just keep it shut, instead of sowing into resistance and separation in your life. See what happens if see if you can go one day without complaining one day, and then see if you can go two days, and then see if you can go a week, and then maybe 10 days, and just start to see, because it's kind of you reap, what you sow greater than you sowed, later than you sowed. So if I keep sowing complaining, I'm going to keep having things to complain about when I you know, I mean, it's different than speaking up when you have a boundary or preference or require. You know, that's that's not complaining. But if I'm finding myself just bitching all the time, I'm just going to keep having more stuff to pitch about. So what if I let that voice quiet and then allowed my Creator self to step forward of what's what is working, what is good and might be, your energy grows, where your attention goes. So when I start to focus on what is working instead of what I hate, I'm going to start to see a lot more things that are more fun and that I love in my life, and those that pain and that feeling and that, you know, aroused state I get of complaining is going to start to feel less familiar, and I'm going to be less attached to it, I'm going to be a lot more into like, into a new experience of what is available for me to love, and that I get to choose that, and that it starts with me every time love it. There's no one writing in with a magic pill to be like, Okay, your life is happy now because this other thing happened, it's an inside job, and that's a it doesn't have to be a big pill to swallow. Ask for it to be gentle, ask to be guided, ask to figure it out, because those are different questions. You're going to start to get answers to those questions. Because whatever you're creating with those questions, yeah,

Andrea Enright 48:37

I'm hearing just a lot of really key phrases, and maybe that's part of your the language of empowerment. I'm going to summarize those because I'm such a like, a word person to like, there's just been a lot of things you've you've tossed out. What was that? Psychic surgery and internal pharmacy, those? Those were a couple, right?

Sophie Howell 48:58

I'll give you another FEMA festing. I'm all about the FEMA festing. I mean, you're going to summarize now I'm giving you another Oh, my God, but I love it. Manifesting is when you go out and you penetrate and you do the thing and you you figure it out, and you manifest it. Femi festing is when you stay home and you write in your journal and you meditate and you light a candle, and you do your rituals, and you take your sacred bath, and then you trust, and there's no other option, other than the thing to be here with you, because it already is, and you're living at that frequency. And then it you seduce it to you. You femo Fest, it directly to you. And I have done this, and it's magical, and it works.

Andrea Enright 49:37

Oh my god, amazing. Amazing. Love this shit, FEMA fest. Can't wait to I need to made it. Make a sticker says, FEMA fest, okay, I love audios. Let's do it. Yeah, you could buy me. You could make that happen.

Janelle Orion 49:56

Can make anything happen like that? Oh my gosh. Sophie. Your wisdom, your pithy maxims and just the joy I mean, I really do. I heard you say your list of traumas on this and the fact that you embody the most embodied feminine beauty, creative like human that I know is just such a testament to who you allowed yourself to be, who you always were when you put down that victimhood story. And it's really an inspiration and a blessing to be your friend.

Sophie Howell 50:36

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's, it's been a journey. I mean, if I there's could be even more things to add to the list, and I could live in that, or I I choose to see all of that as a blessing of my becoming and once I get out of the burden of, oh, this happened to me, this happened to me, and it is a blessing that my mom was bipolar. It's a blessing that my dad's an alcoholic. It's a blessing that I had a brother who died like it's a blessing all of that, and I get to walk in that and understand that, that there's a purpose for it for me. And when I focus on the purpose instead of the pain, I set myself free, and I take hold more love, and I free up all that energy in my body, instead of holding onto the resentment and the contraction of the pain of all of that. And said, Ah, I can breathe. I can trust, I can love, I can walk in faith and I can be. I can ignite inspiration and joy and authenticity in everyone I meet, just like my mission statement.

Andrea Enright 51:33

Oh, my God, amazing. Sophie, how can people work with you? How can they find you?

Sophie Howell 51:39

Yeah, my website is Sophie howell.com I do, I usually do sort of a mix of modalities, because I've done quantum training and somatics and all kinds of things. So we start with language of empowerment. We I also do body work, so we work it through the body and see where those decrees are actually holding up in your body, because there's this, this modality goes all the way into what you're Yeah, any anywhere in the body, it's showing up in the body to give you the signal that it's time to upgrade that, which is really cool, too. Yeah. So I usually craft kind of a little program for each individual person, and we go into some really, really, really deep spaces, deeper spaces. And people have gone and a lot of other methods in their life and and they set themselves free. All I love is, all I'm doing is reflecting back to you what it is every time. I'm not the guru, I'm not fixing you, I am supporting you to hold more light, and that's it. It's almost like a tuning fork that's just dirty, and then you just start vibrating, and all the dirt falls off, and boom, there. You're there the whole time. Wow, you're just remembering

Andrea Enright 52:51

it like drop, yeah, tuning fork.

Sophie Howell 52:52

There's nothing to fix. Actually, there's nothing to fix.

Janelle Orion 52:55

So I just want to, I heard you say they can reach out to you at Sophie howell.com You've got lots of different ways of working with them, but that, although you do do some in person stuff, that someone does not have to be because, yeah, I know you're in Denver, that you don't have to be in Denver, you can be anywhere because you do this language of impairment online, yeah, I have a lot of clients online. Absolutely.

Andrea Enright 53:14

Braveheart Sophie is available online or in person at Sophie howell.com

Andrea Enright 53:19

thank you so much, yay. Thank

Sophie Howell 53:22

you so much. Y'all are just amazing women. This is so important, and I love listening to your podcast, and I love having a brave heart.

Andrea Enright 53:32

Yeah, you're gonna change someone's life today. Sophie, probably many.

Sophie Howell 53:36

Thanks. If there's any questions too, feel free to email me or message me on my site. This was a lot of dense feeling concepts, and they're actually also really simple. It's really just notice, notice when you're in right and wrong, notice the hate, blame, shame spiral that you might be in and return to love. You know, how would I rather be love or be right? And you may find you would rather be loved.

Andrea Enright 54:02

Thank you, Sophie, thanks bravehearts for listening, and we'll see you next time.

Janelle Orion 54:16

Hey, Bravehearts, looking for permission, work with us. Andrea offers permission coaching, and Janelle offers erotic wellness sessions. Follow us on Instagram, meet us in real life at permission to be human workshops in Denver. Subscribe to our newsletter. Do all this and more at our website, permission to be human. Dot live. You.